


Something to Be Said for Subtlety

by TonySawicki



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Choking, Christmas, Christmas Smut, Dirty Talk, Fluff, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Secret Santa, Sex Toys, Silly, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-09 13:34:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8892667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonySawicki/pseuds/TonySawicki
Summary: A Secret Santa gift exchange seems like a great way to raise the band's spirits while they're touring, but before long Kyo starts to really wonder who his gifts could be coming from.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing about Dir en grey at all, this is just good fun.  
> Maybe this is more nonsense and shenanigans and it doesn't get smutty for a bit, there's kind of a considerably expository chunk at the start, but yeah. (Also bear with me on the staff members and everything I tried to include in this? I tried to research about it, but couldn't find much to go on, so if they're wrong, just imagine this is set whenever it would be more accurate.)  
> Thanks and lots of love! Happy Holidays! Enjoy!!

“This should only take a few minutes, then you can all go back to whatever you were doing,” Nora said with a look at the impatient faces of the band and staff before her. “Here’s what I was thinking: We’re on tour, and it’s the holidays, and we’re all kind of stuck here together. I know you’d rather be home in Japan with your family or dogs or what have you,” She smiled at Shinya who made no denial. “So to raise morale and have some Christmas spirit, let’s do a Secret Santa.”

Toshiya looked instantly excited, his mouth dropping open and forming a happy little triangle.

“Ha?” Kyo was confused. He didn’t know what Secret Santa was, but if it was going to mean extra work for him while he was on tour he wasn’t sure he liked it.

“Secret Santa, it’s a kind of mystery gift exchange,” Die said.

“Between whom?” Kyo asked.

“Between us!” Nora said, gesturing to the group of them. She had gathered the band and a couple other staff members who had expressed interest up to the front of the bus while they were stopped to get food. “We’ll each draw a name and that’s the person we’ll get gifts for.”

“Gifts? How many? What’s the budget on this?” Kaoru asked, pulling out his phone in case he needed to make notes.

“I’m thinking four smaller gifts over the next two weeks, then a final one on Christmas Eve,” said Nora. “Budget is up to you, but probably we’ll keep it reasonably small since we’re on tour.”

Kuroo nodded. “Yeah, how are we even supposed to do any shopping when we’re on the road?”

“We make stops from time to time,” Shinya said. “We’re stopped right now.”

“Yeah, we just have to be extra sneaky about it,” Die said with a grin.

Nora looked pleased. “So you’re all on board?”

“Definitely!” Toshiya said enthusiastically.

“I think it sounds fun,” Shinya agreed.

A few other people nodded and Nora clapped her hands together. “Excellent!” She picked up a small stack of half-sheets of paper and some pens from the counter and passed them around. “Write down a handful of things you wouldn’t mind receiving, like snacks or what scents you like, whatever you might want. Then put your name on it and fold it in half.” She reached over and snatched Toshiya’s hat off his head. “Drop it in here when you’re done.”

They all got busy making their Christmas lists. Kyo stared down at his blank sheet, having no idea what to write. The whole thing made him a little uneasy, really. He didn’t _need_ anything. He didn’t want someone giving him gifts out of obligation. But everyone else seemed so excited about it; even Kaoru, after thinking with his eyes closed and his lips pursed for a long moment, was scribbling away at his paper. Kyo considered just telling the others to leave him out of it, but he didn’t want this to be yet another case of him being the spoilsport or the anti-social one, so, with a sigh, he wrote his name at the top of his paper and listed a few simple items he thought could be useful.

Everyone finished up after a couple minutes, dropping their folded papers into Toshiya’s hat on the table. When she’d collected them all, Nora shook the hat to mix them up some and then held it out for people to start drawing names. “Now remember, it’s _Secret_ Santa, so don’t tell anyone who you got, and don’t sign your name on anything you give.”

“When do we reveal ourselves?” Toshiya asked, pulling out a paper and discreetly opening it.

“You don’t ever have to, if you don’t want,” Nora said. “You can after the final Christmas Eve gift, but I wouldn’t do it at the actual exchange, in case some people want to remain mysterious.”

Everyone nodded and once all the papers had been handed out, Nora took the last one and returned Toshiya’s hat to him.

Kaoru folded his paper back up after looking at it and put it safely in his pocket. “When are we supposed to have the first gift ready?”

“Does Tuesday sound good?” Nora asked, looking around at everyone. “Remember, it doesn’t have to be anything big.” When everyone agreed, she waved her hands at them. “Run along now, you’re all free to do whatever.”

They all dispersed and Kyo curled himself up once more in a chair with his headphones on and his notebook open in front of him. He pulled his Secret Santa paper back out again and looked at it. He’d gotten Shinya, and honestly he couldn’t have been more relieved. Out of anyone he could buy gifts for, Shinya was probably the person with whom he was most comfortable. 

He ran his eyes down the list with a light snort. _Ice cream? How exactly am I supposed to wrap that up and give it to him?_ _Socks… lotion… Cheburashka, ah geez_. He refolded the paper, thinking maybe this would be harder than he thought. For a brief moment, he had the idea that he could make him something, maybe write him something or draw something— but no, it had to be secret, and anything Kyo made would be fairly obviously from him.

Suddenly a shoe was nudging at his notebook, almost knocking it from his lap and he looked up as he kept it from sliding to the floor. Die was in the next seat over, stretching his leg out to poke at Kyo, a smile on his face. “Hey, who’d you get?” he asked, his voice low.

Kyo narrowed his eyes at him, stowing the paper safely between the pages of his notebook. “None of your business. Why, who’d you get?”

Die grinned wickedly at him and then opened his mouth like he was going to answer before turning away dramatically. “No, no, I can’t tell you.”

Kyo rolled his eyes. “See if I care.”

“Wanna come shopping with me later?”

“You’re not worried I’ll see what you’re getting?”

Die stretched and put his hands behind his head. “I can be very subtle when I want to be.”

Kyo somehow doubted that but he shrugged. “Sure then, if we can find somewhere decent to shop at the next stop.” He settled back down with his notebook, doodling and not being terribly productive but enjoying the solitude he built for himself.

 

As it happened, they didn’t actually stop again until they got to the next venue where they were all herded off the bus to set up and start running sound checks.

Everything went smoothly enough and when the technicians were happy with all the levels, everyone broke for lunch, the band given instructions to come back in an hour for makeup.

Die found Kyo as soon as they were dismissed, his sunglasses already in place. “Shall we?”

Kyo had almost forgotten that he’d agreed to join him for Christmas shopping, and huffed out a tired sigh when he remembered, not feeling very spirited. Still he figured his should try to get some of it out of the way while he was thinking about it, so he slipped on his own sunglasses, buttoned his heavy jacket up to his chin, and walked with Die down the block to a nearby drugstore.

As soon as they got outside a sharp gust of wind made the small vocalist nearly topple over backwards and Die shot an arm out instinctively to catch him. “You’d better not blow away; I’d probably get blamed for it,” he said once Kyo was steady on his feet again, an amused look on his face.

“Well, this being your idea, you’d probably deserve it. Shit, it’s _cold_ ,” Kyo hissed. He pulled a beanie out of a pocket on his jacket and tugged it down on his head over his ears as they walked.

“Doesn’t it get you in a more Christmasy mood that way though?” Die said.

“Maybe if the cold was _outside_ and I was _inside_ with hot cocoa or a roaring fire or something,” Kyo said. “Mostly this just puts me in a mood of ‘can we please hurry this up?’”

Die laughed at him as they crossed the parking lot to the Walgreens and soon they were gratefully inside the warmth of the store.

It wasn’t a particularly interesting or glamorous place to buy gifts, but an hour was hardly enough time to go looking for somewhere special. Maybe they’d get lucky later and one of the other presents down the line could be something nicer, but this would have to do for now. Kyo walked up and down the aisles, idly hitting his basket against his leg, trying not to waste time while still not rushing, always feeling a little nervous knot in his stomach when he was shopping for someone else. Die lingered a few steps behind so they could feel like they were maintaining the secret aspect of it even though it would obviously be pretty hard to hide what they were buying from each other.

The first thing to catch Kyo’s eye was a display of almost impractically thick, fuzzy socks at the end of one aisle. After debating over colors for a bit he grabbed two pairs: one a very pale pink with little shimmery silver ribbons through it and one colored to look like little panda faces. He put them into his basket hurriedly, balling them into one corner of it as if it would hide them. He looked over his shoulder to see if Die noticed him picking up the socks, but his focus was on the greeting cards he was pawing through and Kyo breathed a sigh of relief before turning the corner into an aisle of holiday merchandise.

He got to the gift wrap and groaned a little as he realized he would need to wrap all his gifts for Shinya, and he’d have to do it in private before anyone on the bus could see them. Scrunching his mouth to one side of his face he picked up a multi-pack of gift bags in various sizes. He held it in one hand as he walked back to the end of the aisle looking both directions for his shopping companion. “Die, where’d you go?” he called, keeping his voice low.

“I’m over here!” Die’s voice came from the aisle across the way and to the right, and Kyo followed it.

“I thought maybe if I get the multi-pack of bags, I could just leave them out for anyone to use,” Kyo said, holding it up when he found Die kneeling to look at something on a shelf close to the floor. 

Die looked up and over at him and nodded. “That seems like a good idea. Is that the biggest pack of them?”

Kyo looked down at the 10-pack in his hand and shook his head. “I think there was a 20-pack. Should I get that one instead?”

“Maybe, just to be safe. There’s a bunch of different sizes in there, yeah?”

“Yeah, I guess it’d be bad if someone used all the bigger ones and only the teeny, tiny gift card size bags were left ‘cause I didn’t get the bigger pack.” He dropped it into his basket, covering the socks until he could go back and switch it out.

“Hey what do you think of these?” Die asked then, holding up a couple of nice-looking scented candles.

Kyo raised an eyebrow. “Depends, who are they for?”

“Nobody, never mind,” Die said quickly, looking embarrassed as he rushed to put them back on the shelf, but Kyo was still pretty sure he saw him slip something into his shopping basket.

“I will leave you to it,” Kyo said, backing his way out of Die’s aisle and heading back over to the Christmas wrapping. He swapped his pack of bags out for the larger selection, and moved down the aisle a bit more.There, amidst a collection of biblical holiday characters, he spotted to his great amusement a bobble-headed figurine of the Little Drummer Boy.

He almost giggled as he picked it up. With its sideswept blonde hair and over-sized blue eyes, it was abominable in any even potentially historically accurate sense, but it did have something of a likeness to their own little drummer boy and he knew Shinya had to have it. Kyo was on the verge of calling out to Die again to show him, but snapped his mouth shut and just set the figurine in his basket instead.

He moseyed down the candy aisle next, curiously inspecting a few packages when he couldn’t guess at the flavors right away. Shinya wasn’t always big on sweets, but there was something to be said for the novelty of stuff they couldn’t get back home. He pulled a bag down off the hook where it was hanging, staring hard at it, trying to pull any English sitting in the back of his brain up to the forefront for use. At length he determined it was candy meant to taste like different popular ice cream flavors, and he dropped it into his basket. _That should be considerably less messy than trying to get actual ice cream into a gift bag_ , he thought as he made his way over to the cash registers.

He kept his eyes on the screen as the cashier rang him up, wanting to read his total rather than try to process it being told to him in English, especially since he hated having to count out American money and he always felt like he was taking way too long and holding up the line. He got through it pretty quickly and when the cashier handed him his change and his bag, he nodded to her and muttered out a shy, “Thank you, ah, merry Christmas” in English. He knotted the handles of the plastic bag together, only slightly irritated that they didn’t tape the tops of them shut here, but not wanting anything he bought to be visible with it left open.

As he went towards the exit, he saw Die was already there waiting for him, looking down at his phone, his own bag dangling loosely from his wrist and a roll of shiny red and white wrapping paper tucked under one arm. 

Kyo nudged the roll of paper as he reached Die, causing him to wobble slightly as he looked up from his phone. “Pretty flashy stuff,” Kyo commented before bracing himself for the cold and stepping outside.

“Stealing your idea,” Die said, exiting after him, giving no outward indication that he felt the freezing air at all. “I got some tissue paper for the gift bags too. I’ll leave it out on the bus for everyone to use and we’ll all have an easier time keeping under the radar.”

Kyo nodded, but smirked a little to think that Die still thought he was such a pro at being discreet. Not that he’d call him on it, and certainly he wouldn’t spoil it for whoever ended up with candles and a greeting card tomorrow, but it was kind of endearing in a way.

When they got back to the bus Kyo went straight to his bunk to stash his shopping, leaving the gift bags on the table at the front, and then pulled some leftover white rice out of the small fridge, not even bothering to reheat it. He didn’t like to eat a lot before a live anyway, but plain rice was just enough to settle his stomach before he had to go on stage.

He met up with the others in the dressing room a short time later so they could start getting into makeup. Die was finishing off a sandwich, running a few minutes behind, but no one was about to scold him, happy he was eating properly at all. 

Kyo paused in taking out his makeup and arranging it on the counter in front of him to glance over at Die, the smell of barbecue sauce making him a little envious after his meal of cold leftovers. “There were sandwiches?”

Die looked a little guilty as he took a sip from his fast food drink. “I asked Kaoru to grab me something before we left. Sorry, I should have had him get you something too! Um, um, um—” He dug through the bag from his lunch and came out with a little plastic container. “Want my coleslaw?”

Kyo made a dubious face. “Yeah, no thanks. It’s okay, I just didn’t think of it. I don’t like to eat a lot before shows anyway.”

“Did you not eat?” Toshiya asked, looking over from where he was straightening his hair. “Where did you guys even go?”

“North Pole,” Die said. Toshiya just stared at him. “Santa’s workshop.” He winked.

Toshiya blinked and then flailed, almost burning himself on the flat iron. “Shit! I forgot about secret shopping. Ah man, when am I gonna have a chance to buy anything??”

“You’ll work it out,” Shinya said, in his calm way. “You could always give something homemade, if it comes down to it. Please don’t break my flat iron.”

“Damn iiit, my person’s present’s gonna suck,” Toshiya whined.

“Hush,” Shinya said. “I’m sure we’ll stop again before Tuesday.”

 

Unfortunately Shinya wasn’t entirely correct. They did stop a few more times, but never anywhere near something even as enticing as a Walgreens, and Kyo was relieved that he’d gotten something for Shinya when he had the chance. After their live on Sunday evening, they’dleft pretty much right away, and due to inclement weather, their travels had been slower than usual, leaving them with less downtime to explore and seek out shopping opportunities.

When Tuesday rolled around Nora gathered everyone again as they were stopped at a truck stop for some much needed refueling, showering, and finally getting off the bus to stretch their legs.

“We can give our first gifts before we get back on the road!” She seemed optimistic. “Everyone’s ready, or still need to do some wrapping?”

“Still need to do some _shopping_ ,” George muttered, and a few people murmured in agreement.

“You guys don’t have your stuff?” Nora frowned at them. “Well, now’s your chance then! We’re not leaving for another hour, there’s a convenience store in there, get to it!”

Kyo had been one of the first people in line for the shower, and when he came out, feeling refreshed, he headed into the shopping area of the truck stop where he spotted Toshiya and Kuroo in front of a rack of snack food. Toshiya looked kind of miserable.

“No luck?” Kyo asked, stepping up beside them.

“This is awful,” Toshiya said, shaking his head. “I didn’t plan ahead and now my Secret Santa person is gonna end up with fuckin’… Carn Nutes.” He gestured to the package in front of him.

“Corn nuts,” Kuroo said, taking it down and reading it. “These are actually good.”

Kyo wrinkled his nose. “Um, no, they’re not, I remember those. They’re nasty, and they _smell_ , no, you’re not bringing those on the bus.” He took the snack out of Kuroo’s hands and put it back on the shelf. He looked around the little store and then pointed. “There’s more touristy stuff over on that side, why don’t you look for something over there?”

As they slouched off to look over the keychains and postcards, Kyo just patted himself on the back yet again that he’d managed to avoid being That Guy for once.

He went back to the bus, and got his present wrapped in his bunk, tucking the socks and candy into a smaller gift bag, saving the bobble-head for a future gift, just in case they got stuck without access to shopping again. He wrote a little card, concentrating on disguising his handwriting and keeping it a very simple “To Shinya, From your Secret Santa.”

When he finished he poked his head out to make sure the coast was clear and snuck his gift out to put under the little two-foot plastic tree Nora had set up next to the couch near the front of the bus. There were already a couple things under there and he was careful not to look too closely and see whose they were. He slipped his bag in next to the others and went back to his bunk, more to keep himself out of the way than anything.

He lay down on his back and huffed out a sigh. _Poor Toshiya_ , he found himself thinking. _I always hate being so down to the wire like that, not to mention feeling like his present sucks. Maybe I should offer to go shopping early with him next time_. He groaned a little at the thought of having to go through all this several more times before Christmas Eve actually came. It was at that moment that he suddenly remembered that he wasn’t only _giving_ gifts, but was also going to be _receiving_ them. First he was hit with a wave of dread, but then excitement and curiosity soon followed. _Someone is my Secret Santa too!_ He wondered who it could be. _With my luck it’s probably Toshiya and I’ll be getting some beef jerky and a keychain that looks like a license plate_. Of course he wouldn’t complain, no matter what he got. He started feeling restless, wanting to go poke through the presents under the tree and find the one with his name on it.

He didn’t have to wait much longer before Nora was calling them all back out and he practically sprang out of his bunk and up to the front of the bus. He settled in a chair across from the couch, trying to contain his eagerness and look casual, leaning forward, elbows on his knees. When everyone was in position, Nora started reading the names on the gifts and passing them out.

“Remember, this is just the first one so don’t say anything to incriminate yourself.” She passed Shinya his gift bag and Kyo was careful to not look overly interested in his reaction. “We’ll do the second gift on Friday, and we should have some better shopping before then, so plan ahead.” She looked meaningfully at Toshiya before handing him something kind of lumpy wrapped in Die’s shiny wrapping paper.

Kyo was one of the last people to get his present, something kind of stiff and somewhat flat, also wrapped in the paper. The handwriting on the tag was neat, almost beautiful, but in no way familiar. He drummed his fingers on it nervously and ran them back and forth over the edges while he waited for Nora to sit down across from him with a heavy gift bag and signal that they were all free to open.

He couldn’t help but smile as people started ripping the paper from their gifts and digging things out of bags, laughing and passing treats around. He watched from the corner of his eye as Shinya opened his present with a quiet, approving smile. The drummer flipped the bag of ice-cream-flavored candies over to read more off the back, an intrigued look on his face, and Kyo was very pleased with himself.

Finally he turned his attention to the package resting on his knees, sliding two fingers under the edge of the paper and pulling the tape free with a snap. He unfolded it to find an elegant journal, the type with a magnetic cover to keep it closed, and a fine-tip pen through the provided loop on one edge. It was all smooth black and grey swirling patterns, attractive but still unassuming. He liked it very much and was immediately curious who would have thought to get him something that suited him so well, looking around at everyone’s faces searchingly.

“This is really nice,” he said. “Thank youuu, Santa!”

Several people laughed, holding up their own gifts and echoing, “Thanks, Santa!”

Nora pulled a candle out of her bag, sniffing it and smiling. “Mm, I love this one, thank you, Santa!”

Kyo smirked. He shot a look over at Die, who was sitting closer to the tree, and raised his eyebrows.

Die looked back at him, his face all innocent confusion.

Kyo brought up his hand to cover his mouth, turning his snicker into a cough, and shaking his head.

Die grinned and then craned his neck, trying to get a better look at the book on Kyo’s lap. “What’d’ya get?”

Kyo held up the journal. “It’s nice, half the pages are unlined so I can use it for writing or sketching or both. You?”

Die held up a snow globe and two boxes of cookies. “I’m gonna eat nothing but junk the whole holiday season,” he said happily.

They all admired one another’s gifts a bit longer and Nora seemed extremely pleased by how the whole thing was going. She collected the trash in a garbage bag and reminded them to have their next gifts ready Friday before mentioning a few other tour-related housekeeping things and effectively dismissing them. The bus got back on the road shortly thereafter and Kyo took his new journal back to his bunk, just setting it on the mattress next to him as he sat back against the pillow, already looking forward to what he was going to give and get for their next Secret Santa gathering.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secret Santa has definitely done something to give the band some Christmas Spirit! And yet Kyo still finds it in himself to be bogged down with troublesome thoughts~

The live the night before had been considerably more enjoyable than most of the ones earlier in the tour, and Kyo was given to believe that Nora was onto something with her idea about Secret Santa raising the band’s morale. He’d been distracted enough thinking about what to get for Shinya that he had had less time for getting stuck in his own brooding thoughts, and it was clearly reflected in his attitude. On stage, he’d felt more energetic and tried to get the other members more actively in the spotlight, coming to lean on them or offer them his mic for a few lines. Die had kicked his shenanigans up a notch too, and even Kaoru was pulling some pranks, causing Kyo to break and crack up on stage more than once. He supposed they could essentially chalk it up to Christmas spirit. He was reasonably sure the fans were enjoying it all too, though part of him knew there would always be a percentage of them that got more pleasure out of watching him bleed for their entertainment.

The positivity wasn’t only seen in performance though; everyone got things ready more efficiently and even the tour bus was a less toxic place to be than it sometimes was. The only thing really bringing them down was that it had been so damn _cold_. It wasn’t enough to kill the good energy, but there was a lot of shuffling around the bus with blankets hugged tightly around shoulders. Shinya especially was quite obviously suffering. He wasn’t the type to complain about it but Kyo saw that he was wearing the fuzzy socks he’d given him, and tended to sit around curled into a ball with a blanket pulled up to his chin, even in the dressing room before lives. 

It was always worst when they had to leave the bus; the wind was so strong and Shinya, for all his endurance and strength from decades of drumming, seemed so fragile, the cold air blowing through him as if he were tissue paper. Kyo would watch with concern as he tried repeatedly to pull his collar up higher over his neck, but none of his collars were really high enough to offer protection from that wind.

“I’m just worried he’s going to get sick,” Kaoru said Thursday morning after they saw Shinya shivering his way from the bathroom back to his bunk, his hood pulled up over his head and a bathrobe pulled over that.

“Yeah, and give it to all of us,” Toshiya said, wrinkling his nose. “It’s just that he’s so _skinny._ The cold just cuts through him like nothing.”

“That’s not like it’s his fault,” Kyo said, finishing off the coffee he’d been drinking before it got any colder.

“Not saying it is! I just mean we need to get him a portable space heater that he can wear like a little backpack or something.”

“Hey guys,” Nora said then, approaching where they sat around the table on the bus. “Here’s the deal: you’ve all been doing so great with keeping us on the road and on time, and the snow has let up, so we’re going to have some extra time and I’m having them make a special stop for us to get some Christmas shopping done.”

Toshiya clapped his hands a little. “I can get an actual gift for Secret Santa then!”

Nora nodded. “I thought of you specifically. So we’ll be stopping in about half an hour for that, just to let you know.” She patted Kaoru on the shoulder and headed back towards the back of the bus to inform the others.

“I don’t know whether to be relieved or stressed that I’ll have a chance to really do my shopping this time,” Kaoru said with a sigh.

“You didn’t have a real present last time either??” Toshiya looked simultaneously shocked and elated that the band’s leader had been caught in the same irresponsible state as him.

“I did, it was fine,” Kaoru said. “Just now the time will be set aside for it, I guess I’d better get something pretty good.”

“Oh, hmm,” Toshiya said, slightly disappointed. “Well, does one of you guys wanna come shopping with me? We can play lookout for each other, keep our purchases hidden.”

“I will,” Kyo said. He stood up from his seat at the table, taking his coffee cup to wash out in the sink. “I was going to offer anyway after you, well, had such a struggle, last time.”

“Perfect!” Toshiya nudged Kaoru to stand up too so he could slide off the bench.

Kaoru rolled his eyes as he got up, standing to the side for Toshiya to exit the booth. “And I’ll leave you guys to it. I prefer to do my shopping alone.”

“Sounds fine,” Toshiya said. “You’d probably judge what I’m buying anyway.”

Kyo shook his head at the pair of them and moved to the back of the bus to get his things ready. He sat down on his bunk and checked a few things on his phone, then made sure he had his wallet and that his gloves were in the pocket of his coat before he came up to the front, noting it was almost the time Nora said they’d be stopping.

“Kyo!” Die was right behind him. “We’re coming up to one of those strip malls. Want to be my shopping buddy again?”

“Ah, not this time,” Kyo said, a bit sadly, as he came to a chair and sat down to wait for the bus to stop. “I already told Toshiya I’d go with him.”

“Hmm, he probably could use your help more than I could,” Die said, half-smiling.

“You seem to have a good eye for what your person likes,” Kyo said. He shot a glance at Nora as she headed up to speak to the driver as they pulled into the parking lot of the strip mall.

“I hope so. I pay attention.”

Nora told them to come back in forty-five minutes and they all split off to head to different stores. Kyo let Toshiya dictate where they were going, since he wasn’t sure what he was hoping to get Shinya anyway and was mostly hoping something would catch his eye.

Toshiya marched them to the department store outlet and started talking excitedly about how good the prices were, checking out a rack of sunglasses with interest. Kyo nodded and just walked around looking for something Shinya would want. 

Finally, towards the back of the store, he came to a display of nice cashmere scarves in a variety of colors and patterns. He reached out to touch one in hues of dark green and earthy brown, feeling the softness of it between his fingers. 

“Ooh, scarves!” Toshiya said suddenly, coming up beside him. “Actually I want to get something like this for Shinya, maybe it would keep him warm!”

Kyo glared at him. “No, you don’t, stop that!”

Toshiya looked confused. “Why wouldn’t I? Not for Secret Santa, but ‘cause he could use one.”

“Just don’t!” Kyo said. He was frustrated at not being able to voice his explanation, but for some reason he really wanted to be the one to get a scarf for Shinya. He’d thought of it first!

“Kyo,” Toshiya said, raising an eyebrow. “Is Shinya your Secret Santee?”

Kyo scowled. “I can’t tell you that.”

“You’re not gonna ruin it for me if he is. I already know you’re not my Secret Santa.”

“How’s that?”

Toshiya laughed. “I was standing like two feet away from Kuroo when he was picking out my present? It’s not a big deal. The surprise aspect isn’t the most fun for me anyway.”

“Oh,” Kyo said, looking back down at the scarves. “Well, yes, I have Shinya. Don’t tell anyone.”

“I wouldn’t, obviously,” Toshiya said. He looked at the scarf Kyo was fondling. “Um. That’s not the one you’d get him though, right?”

Kyo put it back on the display, trying to get it folded the way it had been, slightly embarrassed. “I just thought the colors were kind of nice together.”

“Sure, but not for Shinya! Think about what would go with his wardrobe!” Toshiya looked over the array of colors before him and then tapped one that was white with dark red and gold patterns along the edges. “This would be good on him.”

Kyo didn’t want to just do whatever Toshiya suggested, feeling his independence and pride sort of stepped on, and considered stubbornly choosing something else, but he couldn’t deny that that was the scarf most suitable for Shinya, so he nodded grudgingly. He picked it up carefully and inspected it for any snags before settling it over his arm. This wasn’t about his pride anyway, it was about getting something Shinya would like. 

Toshiya smiled at him. “Look at that, we’re helping each other!”

“I didn’t help you with anything,” Kyo said.

“Do you want to? Should I tell you who I have?”

Kyo thought about it and then shook his head. “No, I like the secrecy of it. As long as I don’t know, you might still have me.”

“And so I might!” Toshiya said. “Now I’m going to go look at clothes for me.”

Kyo snorted. “Really? I hate buying clothes in the U.S.; I can never find anything that fits me.”

Toshiya showed great restraint in how he didn’t respond to that comment with a suggestion that Kyo look in the children’s department. Instead he pursed his lips and said, “No? I wonder why that would be…” Then he wandered off into the men’s section, leaving Kyo behind.

Kyo didn’t know what else to look at, so he just stood there for a minute before going over to the jewelry section and browsing around. After another ten minutes he gave up and took his scarf up to the cashier, glancing around to see if Toshiya was about ready to go.

Toshiya came up after him, his arms loaded up with enough that Kyo really couldn’t guess as to what all it was, or if anything in there was for someone other than the bassist himself. “Sorry, I didn’t realize the time!” Toshiya said to Kyo as he dropped everything on the counter. 

Kyo averted his eyes as the cashier started processing Toshiya’s order, in case there were gifts in there. “We’re not late yet, it’s okay. Did you manage to get anything for Secret Santa or just for you?”

“Rude!” Toshiya said, swatting Kyo’s shoulder a little. “I’ll have you know I’m excellent at buying gifts when I remember to do it.”

Kyo smirked at the non-answer and walked over to the door to wait for Toshiya to finish. 

A few minutes later they were getting back onto the bus, Toshiya struggling only slightly with getting two rather large bags down the aisle. Shinya eyed them suspiciously as they passed, but didn’t comment.

Kyo hid the bag with Shinya’s scarf under his pillow, excited to wrap it up with the Little Drummer Boy figurine and give it to him tomorrow, but almost equally excited to find out what he would be getting. He still had basically no idea who could be his Secret Santa. He knew Die had Nora, and he could cross Kuroo off the list, but he hadn’t really thought it was him anyway, given how thoughtful the first gift was and that most of the roadies tended to think Kyo was cold and intimidating.It could still be just about anyone else though and he was almost vibrating with curiosity about what he might get from whomever it was. He didn’t think he’d ever been so hyped up about Christmas before. He settled down into his bunk and relaxed. They didn’t have a show tonight and would be spending most of the rest of the day driving so he tried to just save up his energy for tomorrow.

 

The next morning Kyo got up earlier than usual, sneaking out to get one of the gift bags and a sheet of tissue paper to wrap his gift for Shinya and bringing it all back to his bunk. It didn’t take long to get it all arranged and when he slipped back out to put it under the tree a few minutes later he noticed there was already one bag there. He looked around to see who else was up but didn’t see anyone around and after a moment’s hesitation he flipped the bag’s tag open to see who it was for.

_For Kyo, From Secret Santa_ , in that same pristine but unrecognizable hand. 

Kyo gasped. It took a great deal of willpower for him to not rip the bag open and see what was inside. Apparently he was more into all this sneaky stuff than he’d ever expected to be. He dropped his hand quickly, leaving both presents in place under the tree and headed off to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

They would be having a live tonight, but the weather hadn’t slowed them down anymore, so the bus pulled off to a diner for them to grab breakfast an hour or two later. They split into groups and sat at different tables so the restaurant staff wouldn’t have to try to seat everyone together. Kyo ended up squished into a smallish booth with Shinya, Die and Nora sitting across from them. 

“Lucky it’s warm in here, eh?” Die said as they looked over the menus.

“It’s not freezing anyway,” Shinya said, but he still rubbed his hands over his upper arms.

“It’s warmer than on the bus anyway,” Kyo said, reaching out a hand to try to awkwardly comfort his friend without wanting to touch him too much.

Shinya nodded, and he did appreciate Kyo’s attempt at physical connection even if he kind of sucked at it.

“Does everyone know what they’re getting, or do you have questions about the English?” Nora asked, closing her menu and setting it down. She clarified a few details about what came with different items and then waved to let their waitress know they were ready.

Kyo was relieved to have someone there who spoke English and let Nora order for him. Shinya did the same, but Die enjoyed the opportunity to flash his flirty smile at the waitress and by the time she had taken his order she was blushing slightly.

Kyo smirked a little, pushing his sunglasses up his nose. _Typical Die, getting all the women, no matter what country he’s in_. While the guitarist leaned on the table, facing Nora and speaking to her about something unrelated, Kyo took a moment to look more closely at Die, trying to determine what it was about him that attracted women so easily. Certainly he was good-looking, he had great skin and that incomparable smile. He wasn’t really a typical leading man type though, was he? He was so long and lean, angular in a way that people didn’t generally associate with movie star good looks. _But then_ , Kyo thought, tilting his head a little _, he’s got that hair that just falls so perfectly around his face, and it looks so soft, you could really tangle your hands in it_ … He suddenly blinked, snapping himself out of it. _Whoa, where was that going?_

The waitress came back handing out coffee and orange juice, and they all thanked her, Kyo feeling his cheeks burning with where his train of thought had taken him a moment earlier. Shinya was peering at him a bit curiously, but no one else seemed to notice.

Taking a sip of his coffee, Kyo allowed himself one more glance at Die across the table. Overall, he decided, it wasn’t Die’s looks that made him so good with women, it was his very energy. Like he’d told Kyo, he paid attention, which was why he was so good at finding things Nora would like for Secret Santa, and he was open and friendly, taking the time to listen to anyone who spoke to him. It was hard to not be comfortable around Die, and the fact that he was a genuinely kind and funny person underneath it all couldn’t hurt. Kyo set his cup down, still feeling awfully warm, and tried to direct and explain away his thoughts with a _Maybe when we get back to Japan I should ask him for some romance tips or something_.

Their food came quickly and after they’d been eating for a short while, Nora spoke up. “We’ll do Secret Santa when we get back on the bus. Sound good?”

They nodded.

“Everyone had a chance to get something this time, right?” She looked over her shoulder at the next booth, where the others were sitting. “Right, Toshiya?” she called, causing him to jump and look extremely embarrassed. “You’ll be ready for Secret Santa when we get back on the bus, yeah?”

“It wasn’t just me, you know!” Toshiya said. “But I’m ready this time, for sure. Kyo can tell you!”

Nora turned back to face Kyo, eyebrows raised.

Kyo held up his hands. “Honestly, I couldn’t tell you if he got something for his person or not.”

Nora and Die laughed and Shinya gave a somewhat disapproving shake of his head. They all finished eating and thanked Nora as she took care of paying for both tables while everyone trudged back to the bus.

 

Once they got back to the bus everyone kept busy while the last few people discreetly moved their presents under the tree and then they sat down and waited for Nora to once again distribute the gifts.

“Someone else could offer to do this, you know,” she said, handing Kuroo a gift bag.

“But who else could make as lovely an elf as you?” Toshiya asked.

“Ah, in that case, should we have Shinya hand them out?” Die said with a cheeky grin.

The others laughed as Shinya gave Die a shove, scooting farther away from him on the couch. Nora kept passing the gifts out, setting a bag addressed to herself on her chair and finally giving Kyo his last, since it was in the back.

Kyo thanked her and sat back in his seat, once again watching everyone else open for a minute, trying not to appear as childish and over-eager as he felt. 

Kaoru had gotten a nice pair of gloves and a coffee mug with guitars patterned all over it. “This will be useful. Maybe it will make _some_ people stop stealing my cup.” He glared at Toshiya.

“I don’t know, if I squint those could be bass guitars, then I’d think the cup must be meant for me,” Toshiya sassed. He opened his wrapped present to find a DVD and a gift card for a sandwich chain he often talked about liking. “Santa!” he said, looking right at Kuroo. “It’s just what I wanted! How did you know?”

Shinya laughed at them as he reached into his bag, moving tissue paper aside. He pulled out the scarf with wide appreciative eyes and didn’t hesitate even a moment before folding it in half, wrapping it around his neck, tucking it into itself.

“That’s so your color,” George commented, unwrapping his own gift, finding a bag of chocolate and a new pair of headphones, something he desperately needed.

“Isn’t it?” Toshiya smirked, slanting his eyes towards Kyo.

Shinya reached back into the bag and started laughing again as he pulled out the bobble-head.

“What _is_ that?” Die asked, taking it out of his hand. Seeing the drum, he started laughing too, and passed it around the group.

Kyo tried to keep the smug look off his face, and instead feigned surprised amusement as the figure was passed to him. “You have a side gig modeling for bobble-heads, Shin?”

There was more laughter until it got back to Shinya. He took a quick selfie posing with it, then he set it down on the table by the couch, looking at it fondly.

Die opened his gift next, finding an exceptionally soft v-neck sweater in a purple-grey color that was quite nice. He stood up and shrugged his jacket off, pulling the sweater on right then. “How’s it look?” It was somewhat tight-fitting and Kyo’s eyes almost widened at how well it suited him. He was feeling that same strange attraction to Die that he’d noticed at breakfast.

_No, no_ , he told himself. _Not attraction, just a simple physical appreciation. Nothing complicated. I can think he’s good-looking, it’s just a fact!_

“Very nice, Die, now stop being an attention-whore,” Toshiya said.

Die snorted and sat down again on the couch. “You’re one to talk.”

Nora found in her bag a nice planner with a leather cover and a bottle of bubble bath. “Ooh, more smelly things,” she said, flipping it open. “I’m going to use this when we finally get to stay in a hotel next week.”

“But the tubs here are so disappointing for baths. In Japan the tubs are so much deeper,” Shinya said.

“Ah yeah, that’s true, huh?” Nora said. “Well the bubble bath will keep me from noticing any inadequacies in the tub.”

Kyo finally got tired of waiting and opened his bag. There were two things inside and he pulled them both out. One was a tasteful pair of earmuffs with a cord he could plug into his music player. The other was a package of Calvin Klein boxer briefs, in his size. He was immediately embarrassed, but it changed quickly to amusement as he turned the pack in his hands. They were pretty stylish. “These are actually totally something I’d wear,” he said, glancing up to see everyone watching him. “How did my Secret Santa know what kind of underpants I wear?”

Kaoru, Nora, and George answered in unison: “Everyone knows what kind of underpants you wear.”

The slightly stunned look on Kyo’s face had the entire group cracking up. After a moment he put everything back into the bag and said a quiet thank you, turning finally to watch Kuroo open his gift.

He pulled what seemed like an endless supply of different types of candy out of it, settling them in a pile on his lap until they spilled onto the floor. “I might need help eating some of this,” he said with a chuckle, and started putting it all back away. “Thank you, Santa!”

After some cleaning up, they all went to put their gifts away. Nora reminded them their next exchange was Tuesday, and they were soon headed off to the venue for tonight’s performance. Most of the rest of the day was spent preparing for that, especially since sound check revealed a couple issues, possibly with one of the cables, and it had to be dealt with.

To make matters worse, when Toshiya was borrowing Shinya’s flat iron again to do his hair before the show, sparks suddenly starting coming out of the outlet and the straightener was fried. “I’m so sorry, Shinya!” Apologies flooded desperately out of the bassist, but Shinya just sighed.

“It wasn’t your fault, I’ve had it a long time. It was bound to happen eventually,” Shinya said. Luckily he’d already finished his hair for the live or he probably would have been a lot more upset. “It can’t be helped.”

Toshiya, however, had only straightened about half his hair. “Now what?”

“Too bad you don’t have half your head shaved anymore, huh?” Kaoru said. 

“Maybe you can pretend it’s the style, half straight, half more curly. Didn’t Shinya have hair like that in some photoshoot?” Kyo said.

“Just borrow mine. Shinya you can borrow mine too until you get a chance to replace yours,” Die said, digging his flat iron out of his bag.

“Oh man, thanks,” Toshiya said, taking it from him. “‘Cause I don’t think I can work the half curly/half straight look as well as Shinya did.”

With all the tension this created, the show ended up feeling very different. There was still a generally positive vibe to it, everyone riding the high from their Secret Santa session earlier in the day, but technical difficulties and whatnot made everything just slightly more _tense_. 

That combined with confusing thoughts about a physical attraction to Die had Kyo even more riled up by the end of the concert than he was usually. He tried to calm himself down some before they went back out for the encore, leaning his forehead against the cool wall backstage and trying to center himself. It didn’t work too well though because only a few minutes passed before he felt a strong hand brushing over his sweaty lower back and Die’s voice all low and breathy in his ear.

“You doing okay?” It was tinged with genuine concern. Die was often the one to keep an eye out and offer Kyo support when he was struggling, especially during tours and after lives.

Kyo kept his eyes closed tightly, pushing down the barrage of new extra confusing feelings that had accompanied Die’s touch. “Fine! Just the show, you know, adrenaline.”

Die nodded, knowing how Kyo got worked up sometimes. He backed off and soon went to get ready to go back out on stage.

Kyo regained his composure enough to go and finish the encore but was relieved to be done soon after. Everyone else was pretty excited about some holiday-themed after party or something, but Kyo politely told them all to have a good time without him, showering quickly and returning to the bus alone, still buzzing with pent-up sexual energy.

He was actually quite thankful that everyone else had been so keen to go out, since that meant he had the bus to himself. Nevertheless he headed straight back to his bunk, feeling the most comfortable doing anything there. As he pulled back the curtain and climbed in, he let out a deep sigh. The weird Die stuff had him considerably more on-edge tonight than he was typically, even on other nights when lives had him noticeably aroused. He was going to have to deal with it at some point, and the whole thing made him uncomfortable. 

It wasn’t that Die was a man. Kyo didn’t have any trouble acknowledging his passing attraction to guys; he’d even slept with a couple before and enjoyed it as much as anything. No, the issue was that it was _Die_. Die had a natural way of flirting with anyone and everyone and was undeniably sexy, but in all the time he’d known him Kyo certainly hadn’t had anything more than friendly feelings towards him. Die attracted women so easily but he didn’t have anything to do with men, and Kyo hadn’t even thought of him that way until all this happy Christmas positivity in the air got him thinking about Die’s smile and his charm and his… _well, anyway_.

He’d just been caught so off-guard when Die’s hand on his back struck this impulse to throw Die against the wall and devour him. It wasn’t a feeling he’d had about Die before, and it wasn’t particularly something he wanted to have happen again, because honestly his impulse control wasn’t always 100%. _And I mean I’d rather be the one thrown against the wall, all things considered,_ he thought, in spite of himself. _He could have just bent me over right there and— Nope, this is over now. I am officially putting Die into a walled-off zone of friendship._

He tugged the curtain of his bunk closed and lay back against his pillow, frustrated and still feeling a bit desperate. After debating a moment, he decided he could still take care of his problem without letting Die enter into his fantasies, and reached down to start groping himself through his pants, sighing at the feeling. He reached into his boxer briefs a moment later, closing his eyes and letting his fingertips travel over the length of his cock, almost teasing, just letting himself get a little bit needier.

All thoughts of Die, or anything else, melted out of his mind as he allowed himself to just feel, and get lost in the feeling. Everything was colors and shapes, snatches of sound, and the feeling of his fingers moving over his cock, the feeling of it growing harder and harder in his hand. Finally he pushed his pants and underwear down and all the way off, scooting down further in the bed and starting to stroke himself in earnest. This was what he needed. He could feel the tension building up and up, rising to a boil, and when at last he let it bubble over he knew it would be the most necessary and satisfying release. But it wasn’t all of what he needed, it wasn’t enough. He ran his thumb over the head of his dick, shivering a little, and reached his other hand down to play over his balls, light and teasing again. 

Soon he went back to stroking, feeling himself climbing higher towards his peak, but he still needed more. Leaving one hand moving steadily over his length, he let the other drift up, pushing his shirt up to run over his abs and chest. He rolled one of his nipples between his thumb and forefinger, letting out a quiet moan and pushing his hips up more to meet his hand. Then he brought his hand up from his chest to his mouth and started to suck two fingers, unable to resist moving them in and out, fucking his mouth with them for a minute. He brought them away wet with saliva and spread his legs as he moved his hand back behind himself to his entrance. The hand on his cock never stopped as he pressed the first finger against his hole and pushed inside with a groan. 

He started rocking his hips forward, thrusting into one hand, and back, pushing down onto the other. He added the second finger, fucking himself almost frantically, not bothering to stop the moans issuing continuously from his mouth as he got closer and closer to his end. Only a minute later he was cumming, breathing out a quiet, “Ohh fuck….” His jizz spattered over his thighs and abdomen and the release seemed to drain any tension or discomfort out of him in one go. 

When he finished, he just sagged against the mattress, panting slightly, his hands at his sides, as he collected himself. Opening his eyes, he thought he saw a blur of color move past where his curtain was open a few inches at one end, and immediately a wave of panic slammed into him. Was there someone else on the bus? He pushed the curtain open further and poked his head out, looking both ways, but there was no sign of anyone. He shook his head, feeling somewhat silly and paranoid and then grabbed his pants and pulled them on before sliding out of his bunk and heading to the bathroom to wash up and get ready for bed.

He was already asleep by the time anyone else got back on the bus.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Toshiya comes down with a bug, Die has a birthday, and Kyo is more curious than ever about who his Secret Santa could be!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for following along, y'all. Much love, hope the holidays are treating you kindly!

It had been a busy weekend with lives every night and now Toshiya was complaining that he was coming down with something. It quickly became apparent that he had a rather ugly virus and they could only hope it was the 24-hour variety. They tried to quarantine him and everyone else was taking Vitamin C supplements and any other preventative measures they could get their hands on, but it did something to dampen the band’s lifted spirits. 

Monday afternoon most of them were lounging at the front of the bus in a general exhaustion, trying to give Toshiya room to sleep off whatever funk he was in, and with an unspoken worry hovering between them that if he didn’t get better before tomorrow’s live they might have to cancel, which was not in any way appealing.

Nora came up and leaned against the counter, taking in the lethargy around her. After a moment of standing there, she cleared her throat, getting the attention of some, but not all, the band members. “You guys are looking a bit rough.”

“As long as we don’t look as bad as Toshiya,” Die said.

Nora paused again before saying, “I know everyone’s tired, and we haven’t stopped to do any shopping, so I understand if you guys think we should cancel tomorrow’s Secret Santa.”

“Nooo!” Kyo said at once, expecting his voice to be just one in a chorus. To his surprise and embarrassment, he was the only one to speak up and everyone else’s eyes were immediately on him. “I just mean… We’re all down about Toshiya and we’re tired and everything, yes. But isn’t that just more reason to have it? It’s something to look forward to, to give us that extra burst of energy that we’re missing.” He shrugged and ran a hand over his hair.

Nora looked slightly astonished that their frequently-cranky vocalist was the one arguing in favor of Secret Santa. No one foresaw him getting so invested in it. She pursed her lips as she considered him. “Well, what does everyone else think?”

Die stood up from his seat at the table and shook his hair back behind his shoulders. “Kyo’s right. We could use the picker-upper.”

Kaoru nodded slowly. “Let’s not give up if we’ve already committed to it.”

Nora smiled at them as Shinya gave a shrug of agreeable indifference. “All right, then,” she said. “We’re still on for tomorrow. We’re going to be stopping soon for a few hours so our driver can take a nap and a break. I’ll see if he can get us close to some stores.” She took off to do that, and to let the others know Secret Santa was going ahead as planned.

“I didn’t realize you were so excited about Secret Santa, Kyo,” Shinya said then.

Kyo lifted and dropped one shoulder. “It’s a nice distraction.”

“What are we trying to stay distracted from?” Die asked, his eyes all soft and interested, as he moved to sit on the couch across from Kyo.

Kyo frowned. “Just the usual, I suppose.”

Die studied him a moment longer and then seemed to accept that answer and turned to Shinya to continue some conversation they’d been having earlier.

Kyo crossed his legs, leaning back in his chair and pulling out his phone, just idly scrolling through twitter as he waited for their next stop. He’d done a pretty decent job repressing any uncomfortable attraction to Die the past few days. The shows they’d had over the weekend had kept his focus elsewhere and he’d hardly thought about it at all, except for when Die got all open and concerned and _looked_ at him. He didn’t like Die looking at him that way, like he was trying to see inside him, but there wasn’t exactly a way to ask him to stop. _Whatever this is, it’ll go away on its own_ , he assured himself. _Just like Toshiya’s cold, it’ll be gone before our next live._

It wasn’t too much later that the bus pulled to a stop next to a mom-and-pop restaurant seemingly in the middle of nowhere. 

Kaoru peered out the window. “There’s somewhere to do shopping here?”

Nora pointed across the street. “There are a few shops over there, and a grocery store across from that. It’s not a mall or anything, but I think we can all find something.” She buttoned her coat and looked down at her watch. “We want to be back on the road by 19:00, so please make sure you’re back _before_ then, got it?”

They agreed and Nora and Shinya hopped off the bus with the driver, heading towards the restaurant first. Kyo was still squinting across the street at what might pass for a makeshift shopping center. This place seemed _weird_. He didn’t know if he wanted to go in any of these little hole-in-the-wall shops, and considered just looking for something for Shinya across the way at the grocery store. Then he saw it. Tucked in next to an independent bookstore and what seemed to be a bicycle repair shop was one of those kitschy little shops, overstuffed with pop culture merchandise and imported goods. That was where he would find him: _Cheburashka_. 

He gritted his teeth and accepted his fate, pulling on his gloves and buttoning his jacket once more up to his chin. He was about to step off the bus when he stopped. There was no way he could go in there alone. “I need Toshiya,” he said, turning to walk to the back of the bus.

“What? No, no, no you don’t, you leave him alone!” Kaoru said quickly, jumping up from where he’d been lacing his boots to follow Kyo.

“Toshiya!” Kyo called as he approached the bunks. “Rise and shine, you’ve got to come shopping with me!” He rapped his gloved knuckles on the wall next to Toshiya’s bunk.

“What the hell are you doing?” Kaoru hissed, bewildered. “He needs his rest!”

Toshiya pushed the curtain back and his head popped out. He looked terrible, sort of pasty and sweaty, and he peered at Kyo with one eye cracked open. “Kyo? Wha’s happening?”

Kyo leaned down so he could whisper, “I need to get Shinya’s present and you’re the only one who knows who I have. I need your help.”

Toshiya blinked the one eye, keeping the other squeezed shut. “Seriously, that’s why you’re waking me up?”

“Fresh air might do you good?” Kyo suggested. “Honestly, I’m kind of scared to go in there alone. If someone recognizes me in there I don’t want to be on my own.”

Kaoru was trying not to eavesdrop, but he did hear that last bit and relaxed at the explanation. It was pretty much common knowledge that, when it came to Kyo, fans had a tendency to get kind of rough. He felt bad for yelling and that he was now standing over Kyo while he tried to have a private talk with their bassist, especially since the commotion had attracted a confused Die, and he was crowded into the space looming over them as well. He turned away and pushed Die lightly trying to get them to move back up towards the front and give the others some room.

“Why don’t you just get Die to go with you?” Toshiya mumbled, scrubbing a hand over his face.

Kyo’s mouth turned kind of sideways as he tried to think of a good answer to that. He didn’t have any problems being around Die or anything, but… he was still confused. He’d rather just wait until whatever feelings he was dealing with blew over before he went hanging out alone with him. “Die doesn’t know I’m buying for Shinya,” he said finally. “It has to be you. Please?”

Toshiya let out a heavy sigh and pushed himself to sit up fully. “Fine. Give me a minute to get presentable.”

“Thank you. I owe you,” Kyo said picking himself back up and breathing a sigh of relief himself. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t think I won’t collect,” Toshiya said, and he swung his legs out of the bunk and grabbed a change of clothes before heading across to the bathroom.

Kyo went back up to the front of the bus to wait for him and found Kaoru and Die still standing there, looking at him a bit expectantly.

“What was all that about?” Die asked.

“I need him to be my shopping buddy,” Kyo said lamely.

Die’s brow furrowed and he looked almost hurt. “I could have gone with you.”

“Right,” Kyo shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. “But Toshiya… I need his opinion on something. And you don’t know who I have for Secret Santa, but he does.” He gave a small cough, fully aware of the inadequacy of his excuses, but not entirely sure himself why he was making such a big deal out of it. He pulled his beanie out of his coat pocket and put it on, trying to keep from having to make eye contact with Die and see him giving him that soul-searching look again.

“C’mon, Die,” Kaoru said, and he started to head out off the bus. Die stayed staring at Kyo a moment longer and then followed, leaving Kyo to wait for Toshiya.

Toshiya came trudging out soon after, sunglasses and face mask already on, bundled up in a hooded coat and scarf. “Where are we going then?” he asked, following Kyo off the bus and up to the corner.

Kyo pointed at the cutesy little shop, a shiver going down his spine. From this distance he could even see a little display of Cheburashka at the bottom of one of the front windows. “It’s what Shinya wants.”

Toshiya couldn’t really make out the details from across the street and just snorted at Kyo’s somber approach to the matter. “I thought you were getting kind of into this stuff.”

“Sure, I like getting gifts for people,” Kyo said. The light changed and he started to cross the street. “Just places like this where… Japanese stuff especially is such a novelty to the point of fetishization. They might actually know who I am, and suddenly I’m covered in people trying to get selfies with me.” He gave another shiver. “I’d just sooner avoid that kind of thing.”

Toshiya couldn’t argue with that and just walked with Kyo to the shop, grimacing as they stepped inside. “Yikes I can see why you wouldn’t want to come in here alone.”

The small space was crammed to bursting with cute and colorful bits and pieces, many characters recognizable as being Japanese in origin. The Korean pop music playing was soft but the atmosphere was loud and oppressive and Kyo was soon feeling claustrophobic. He wanted to get out of there as soon as possible and headed directly for the corner where there was a shelf of Cheburashka goods. 

“What do you think?” Kyo asked Toshiya as his eyes wandered over the options. It wasn’t a huge selection, and he’d prefer to get something he thought Shinya might actually be able to use.

“This is cute,” Toshiya said pointing to a small spiral notebook featuring the character.

Kyo nodded, picking it up. He looked nervously over his shoulder and became aware that the girl sitting at the counter with the cash register was staring at them. He turned away quickly. “Shit. I think that girl might recognize us.”

Toshiya turned ever so subtly so he could see her out the corner of his eye. She was maybe college age, with purple streaks dyed in her hair and she was watching them with narrowed eyes. “You might be right,” he muttered. “Hurry and get what you’re getting then.”

After a moment of consideration, Kyo picked up a little change purse and took that and the notebook up to the counter, shifting his collar up in an effort to hide any more of his face that he could.

The girl didn’t say anything to them as she rung him up until she finally told him his total in Japanese. 

Kyo was a bit startled but nodded, handing her the money and taking the bag with his purchase as she handed it to him. She then passed over his change and receipt, thanking them again in Japanese and bowing slightly.

They returned the bow, thanking her as well and heading quickly out of the shop.

“Well, now I feel like a jerk,” Kyo said as they stepped outside.

“Why? She was nice!” Toshiya said.

“Yeah, exactly! I was all worried she was going to harass us and then she was just polite, and I didn’t even say anything.”

“Well you never know what someone’s going to be like.” Toshiya started walking back towards the corner. 

“I was in such a hurry to get out of there, you didn’t even get to buy anything for the gift exchange tomorrow did you?”

“I still have something from last time that I can give, so it’s fine,” Toshiya said with a shrug. “Then we have what, one more before Christmas Eve?”

“Yeah,” Kyo said, pulling out his phone. “When even is Christmas Eve?” He struggled to keep the days of the week straight when they were touring. He got got one glove off, then pulled up the calendar on his phone and looked at it, “Okay, the 24th is Saturday, and right now, it’s Monday? So it’s the 19th—” He froze, staring at the calendar on his phone. “Shit.”

Toshiya had hit the button for the walking signal to cross the street and now looked over at Kyo. “What?”

“Shit,” Kyo said again. He put his phone back in his pocket and got his glove back on. “Ah, well… Shit.” He pressed his hand against his forehead.

Toshiya was growing more concerned. “Kyo, what is it??”

“We have to make another stop.” Kyo turned to cross the other street, towards the grocery store instead of the bus.

“We do?” Toshiya asked, hurrying after him.

“It’s the 19th, Toshiya.” Kyo looked up at his friend. “What does that mean about tomorrow?”

“That it’s the 20th? Oh, shit,” Toshiya said, eyes going wide as realization dawned on him. “I don’t have anything for Die’s birthday!”

“Neither do I,” Kyo said, starting across the street. “I’m willing to bet we can at least get a cake over here though.”

 

Forty-five minutes later Kyo and Toshiya were trying to rearrange everything in the little fridge on the bus to try and fit the birthday cake they’d bought in it.

“Can you take out that bottom shelf?” Toshiya asked.

“What do you think I’ve been trying to do?” Kyo snapped, bracing one foot against the cupboard under the counter as he pulled on the shelf with all his might. When it finally budged it made a horrible scraping noise and he jerked his hands away. “Nope, I think I’m breaking it. That shelf doesn’t come out.”

“No, it doesn’t, and what are you doing?” Shinya said, looking down at them crouched on the floor. He had just returned to the bus and was holding a small shopping bag loosely in one hand.

Toshiya looked up at him, startled and guilty. “Tomorrow’s Die’s birthday!!” he blurted out.

That was hardly the response Shinya had been expecting, but he didn’t really react.

Kyo leaned back on one hand, running the other through his hair. “We got him a cake, but it doesn’t fit in the fridge.”

Shinya resisted the urge to laugh, instead saying, “Hold on a moment.” He stepped around them to go put his coat and shopping bag away, and when he came back he just waved a hand vaguely in the air to get his bandmates to move out of his way.

Kyo sort of scuttled backwards to let Shinya get to the fridge, peering around him to see what he would do. To his surprise Shinya removed the freezer drawer that hung down from the fridge’s ceiling, where they stored the ice (although there wasn’t any in there now) and set it on top of the counter. He took the bottles from the inside of the door and laid them on their sides on the top shelf, moving the few items from the taller middle shelf to the door. Then he replaced the freezer drawer, and turned to Toshiya.

“Cake,” he said, holding out his hands.

Toshiya handed him the cake, gaping some.

Shinya slid the cake easily into the space he’d made on the middle shelf and then stood up and closed the fridge. Dusting his hands off, he turned back to Kyo and Toshiya who were staring at him in amazement. “Now then, what did you have planned for Die?”

“Well,” Kyo said hesitantly. They hadn’t gotten that far in planning beyond obtaining the cake and some booze to give him. “I guess we didn’t have that much of a plan. We have a show tomorrow night.”

Shinya nodded. “So we can take him out drinking after.”

Kyo frowned a bit. Going out drinking didn’t really appeal to him in the best of circumstances, but in the middle of a tour in the U.S. made it sound downright unpleasant. “We also got the cake, obviously. We could have a little… get-together for him, cake, presents, whatever, before we do Secret Santa tomorrow?”

“That sounds reasonable,” Shinya agreed. “I’ll talk to Nora so she knows the plan. I’ll mention it to the others too, in case they want to get him anything.” He looked down at the fridge. “How do you plan on keeping Die out of there so he doesn’t see the cake before tomorrow?”

“Oh!” Toshiya jumped to his feet from where he’d been sitting on the floor, and pulled open a drawer by the sink. He retrieved a sticky notepad and a sharpie, quickly scribbling “OUT OF ORDER” on the top sheet, and slapping it on the front of the fridge with a triumphant grin.

Shinya snorted quietly. “We’ll see if that works. All right then, see you in a bit.” Giving a small wave, he pulled out his phone and headed back off the bus, presumably to find Nora.

Kyo and Toshiya went back to their respective bunks, Toshiya to go back to sleep, and Kyo to work on making something for Die. They’d gotten him the cake and a decent bottle of champagne, but it felt impersonal and Kyo still wanted to give him something from _him_.

He pulled the curtain shut to his bunk and flipped his little reading light on, dragging out the sketchbook he kept handy that had a high quality paper, and a couple different pencils and pens. He stared at the blank page for a long time and then just started moving his pencil over it. He focused his energies on Die, what Die meant to him and to the world, how grateful he was to have him in his life. Without really paying attention to what he was doing, a pattern started to spread across his paper, dark and detailed, somehow edged with the pain present in most everything Kyo created and yet with a deep, affectionate joy that was felt more than seen when observing it. 

Almost an hour later, the bus started moving again and jerked Kyo out of his concentration. He hadn’t even heard the others returning he’d been so in the zone. He looked down at what he’d drawn and his eyes widened in some surprise at how very _Die_ it was. It was similar to a lot of the things he usually drew, sprawling and abstract and ever so slightly disturbing, but it was like another presence had participated in its formation, twisting it into a connection rather than just a sketch. He picked up a pen, going over some lines again, defining things here and there, then writing a brief birthday message in the space he’d left blank in one corner.

It wasn’t much, but he felt better about having something to give Die tomorrow. He left the page in the sketchbook for now so it wouldn’t get wrinkled or stepped on, and went to sit in the front of the bus with a book for the rest of the evening so he could keep an eye on the mini fridge and keep Die from accidentally opening it and discovering his cake.

 

The next morning Kyo felt extra nervous at the fullness of the day ahead. Die’s birthday, Secret Santa, and a concert to top it all off? He hoped he’d have enough momentum to get to the end of it without collapsing. He dropped his present for Shinya under the tree without looking at what else was there already and headed straight to get some coffee.

When the bus stopped so the driver could have a break and they could all get some breakfast, Kyo stayed on the bus. He didn’t mean to be anti-social but he only had so much he could give in a day and was trying to conserve some of it, so he just lay sideways across a chair on the bus, his legs hanging over the arm, ankles crossed, sunglasses on, half-dozing.

Toshiya came out of his bunk to find Kyo was the only person around, but didn’t question it. He set about making himself some tea before he announced loudly, “Well I am feeling _much_ better. I shouldn’t have any problems with the live tonight, or with the drinking that will come afterwards.”

Kyo kind of jumped, sitting up properly in his chair as Toshiya started talking to him. He yawned, pulling his sleeves down more over his hands. “Glad to hear it.” He was, too—except it reminded him of the “24-hour virus” he’d told himself he was going to get over as well, and here it was Die’s birthday, making it all that much more difficult to not think about him, or to stop overanalyzing his feelings. 

Toshiya seemed to pick up on Kyo’s not wanting to talk right now and just went and sat down at the table, reading a magazine while he drank his tea and waited for everyone to get back from breakfast.

It wasn’t too much later that the others began to file back onto the bus, laughing about something Kuroo was saying. Kyo nodded to them as they came in, hoping they didn’t think he was being a dick for staying on the bus instead of sharing a meal. 

Nora smiled when she saw Toshiya up and about. “Good, you’re awake! Any better today?”

“Definitely,” Toshiya said, taking another gulp of his tea. “I think that syrup stuff you gave me really helped, nasty as it was. Thanks for taking care of us.” He gave her a half-smile.

“Not a problem,” she replied. Getting down to business, she started removing her scarf from where it was tucked into her collar and said, “Did everyone get their gifts under the tree or are we still waiting for someone?” No one spoke up that they still needed to do wrapping, and they all got settled in their seats as had become routine. 

This time the routine changed a bit though because instead of going for the presents under the tree, Nora went and opened the fridge, still marked, “OUT OF ORDER,” and pulled out Die’s birthday cake. Kaoru produced a lighter out of his pocket, along with some candles, and Toshiya started singing, everyone else joining in and trying to match his key.

It all happened rather quickly and suddenly Die was surrounded by them, a surprisingly delicious-looking cake, topped with fruit, placed on his lap, candles burning around the outside edge. He looked up at their smiling faces, landing on Kyo’s smirk as he stood back a foot or two from the rest of the group, trying half-heartedly to keep them on pitch as they finished their birthday serenade. 

“Blow out the candles!” Toshiya said, shoving Die a little.

Die looked away from Kyo and back at the cake before closing his eyes for a beat and blowing out all the candles in one breath, to cheers and applause from his friends. As Shinya took the cake back over to the counter to start slicing it, Toshiya whipped out a bottle of champagne seemingly from nowhere and started pouring it into plastic cups.

“It’s not kind of early in the day for champagne?” Kaoru asked dubiously when he was handed his cup.

“Tsk, not on Die’s birthday!” Toshiya said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Nora handed Die a paper plate with a slice of cake and a fork, beaming at him. “Happy birthday, Die.”

He beamed back at her and thanked her for the cake. “Where did all this come from?”

Toshiya glanced over his shoulder at Kyo, who was still lingering back by the kitchen counter, fidgeting with the edge of a piece of paper in his hands. “What do you mean, where did it come from? It’s your birthday. Naturally, we’re celebrating.” He passed off another glass of champagne. “Kyo and I got the cake and the booze, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Die didn’t seem like he was going to stop smiling any time soon. “Well, it’s perfect. Thank you. I didn’t honestly expect anything.”

“Typical,” Shinya said, going to sit down with his own piece of cake now that he’d served everyone else. “You’re the type of person who goes out of his way constantly to do things for others, but acts shocked when that kindness is returned.” He shook his head. “You should know by now that you have people who care about you, Die.”

Die blushed slightly, looking down at his cake. “I guess I should.” He took another bite and then looked up when Kyo finally came over and sat in the chair next to him.

“Here,” Kyo said, holding out the drawing he’d done last night unceremoniously.

Die blinked at him and set his cake down before reaching out to take the paper from Kyo’s just-barely-shaking hand. The smile was back on his face in less than a second, growing even wider than before, his eyes shining. “You drew this for me?” He asked, still staring down at it.

Kyo shrugged, “I mean, yeah. Figured that might be kind of obvious.” He ran his fingertips along the hem of his sleeve in an unconscious gesture.

“It is,” Die admitted with a light laugh. “But it’s also… different somehow.”

Kyo swallowed, unsure if he was required to give an answer to what wasn’t really a question. After a long pause he said, “Well, it’s you. I was trying to channel you, your energy, or spirit or…” He trailed off nodding vaguely.

Die looked at him, a stunned expression on his face. “You guys got me the cake and everything too. You know you didn’t have to get me anything.” He looked back down at the drawing, etching the details of it into his mind and then just said quietly, “Thank you. I love it, seriously.”

“Sure, you’re welcome,” Kyo said, still nodding, his eyebrows tilted up towards the middle in a nonthreatening manner. “Happy birthday.” He got up and moved back across the aisle to sit on the couch instead, breathing out a long, silent sigh.

Die received a few other thrown-together birthday presents and thanked everyone sincerely before Nora called Shinya over to the Christmas tree to start passing out Secret Santa presents instead.

“Not to cut this short, but we do have a show to get back on the road,” she said. “We’ll pick the party back up tonight, I’m sure.”

“Ooh, more partying?” Die said. “You guys are too good to me.”

“Hardly,” Shinya said, handing Die his gift before going back to the tree for the last few remaining packages. He handed Kyo a gift bag and sat down beside him on the couch with his own, pulling delicately at the tape keeping it closed.

This time when Kyo got his he didn’t wait for everyone else to finish before getting the bag open and pushing the tissue paper aside. His experience with the underwear had taught him his lesson about pulling things out without looking at them, so he just peeked into the bag for a moment first, taking in the two items there. One seemed to be a graphic novel and the other—he could swear his heart stopped beating for a minute—was unmistakably a butt plug. Kyo snapped the top of the bag shut, feeling himself go red out to the tips of his ears.

_What the fuck?_ He stared around at the group with wide eyes, but no one was looking at him, all seeming pretty distracted by their own things. His cheeks were burning so hot he was pretty sure he’d started sweating. _Who could have done this? How could they know I like_ —suddenly the other night flashed in his memory; he’d seen someone else on the bus, but thought he imagined it. _Shit, how much did they see?_ He tried to push back against his rising panic and humiliation, his grip tightening painfully on the top of the gift bag.

Finally Shinya glanced over at him, worry briefly coloring his face before he gave Kyo a gentle nudge. “Ne, what did you get?” 

Kyo started, jerking his limbs all closer to his body in an effort to make himself walled-off and invulnerable. His wide eyes were on Shinya and he realized quickly that the way he was acting would be seen as abnormal, and tried to regain his composure as much as possible. He opened the bag, just enough to slip his hand in and wiggle the book out before holding it tightly closed again. It was a Star Wars comic book, one he didn’t have, but was admittedly interested in. He cleared his throat a couple of times, trying to regulate his breathing, and finally said, “Oh, wow, and look, it’s in English. Santa’s trying to make me study.”

Shinya smiled, though a flicker of concern was still in his eyes. He held up his Cheburashka notebook and said, “I’d lend this to you to take notes, but it’s too cute to be used for that.”

Kyo laughed, but the sound came out strained and almost scared. “I think I’ll live, but thank you.”

Shinya nodded, going to sniff some fruity-scented lotion that Kyo had grabbed from the grocery store and put in with his gift.

“You got a book, Kyo?” Kaoru asked, trying to see the cover from where he was sitting over by Die. “Is it comics or regular?”

“I believe they call that a _graphic novel_ ,” Toshiya said. Looking at how Kyo was clutching the gift bag he made a little face. “Your santa must be pretty lazy putting that book in a bag like that; books are easy to wrap with paper.”

“I guess so!” Kyo said, another strained laugh making its way out of him.

“Are you okay?” Die said then, a crease between his brows. “You look… warm.”

“Ah yeah, I am feeling a bit warm,” Kyo said, awkwardly trying to cram the Star Wars book back into the bag without really opening it. “Probably from the champagne.”

“Right,” Die said, still kind of frowning at him.

Nora made sure they all got everything cleaned up and put away pretty quickly and it wasn’t much later they were arriving at the venue, being ushered here and there, preparing as they always did for the night’s live.

Everything seemed to be happening in a kind of haze around Kyo. He went through the motions of doing sound check, running through a couple changes to the setlist and doing his vocal warm-ups, but his mind wasn’t on the task at all. Any time one of his bandmates or staff members came near him he was watching them with suspicious, wary eyes, wondering if they could be the one who had given him that Secret Santa present. He couldn’t very well ask anyone about it, but no one seemed to be acting any differently than normal and he was being driven up the wall with the stress of not knowing who it was.

He hardly noticed the whole day had passed when all at once it seemed the band was gathered backstage getting ready to go on. Kyo looked around at the others and down at himself. He didn’t remember getting dressed and into makeup, but here he was. As Die strutted out onto the stage and the audience’s cheers met his ears, Kyo was grounded a little, feeling his feet on the floor, bouncing on the balls of them for a moment. He dragged the panic and dread circling at the forefront of his mind back down into the basement to be dealt with later and let himself slip into performance mode.

The show felt once again different from the ones they’d been doing. Kyo was giving no less than his usual 110%, but rather than the high energy, honestly _fun_ atmosphere they’d been creating as a band, tonight’s live was all heightened levels of pain. Tears shone on more than half the faces in the crowd and Kyo all but crumpled to the floor by the encore, his voice somewhat raw and his emotional capacity absolutely drained.

If he hadn’t been disinterested in joining the others for Die’s birthday drinking after the show before, now it seemed outright impossible. After showering and returning to the bus, he barely waved them off with a creaky “happy birthday” to Die before he went and slumped into his bunk, aching and exhausted, his mind still swimming with horror and embarrassment and… maybe just the tiniest bit of curiosity. 

He dug the gift bag out from where he’d stashed it under the covers at the foot of his bunk, putting the comic book aside and finally chancing another look at the butt plug. It still had a tag attached, so it was obviously new and unused, and was a rather Christmasy shade of red. He took it out and turned it in his hand, feeling an unbidden little ripple of arousal go through him as he imagined how it would feel using it. The question remained, who _was_ the kinky bastard he had as his Secret Santa?

His mind ran over the options again. Kuroo had Toshiya, that was confirmed. George seemed like a highly unlikely candidate, given that when they did occasionally speak, the roadie acted uneasy and intimidated around him; they weren’t even close enough for it to be a funny joke. He tilted his head at the possibility that it could be Nora but dismissed it quickly. Intriguing as it was, he figured she was too professional to risk doing something that could make him immensely uncomfortable like this.

That just left his bandmates. He knew Die was buying for Nora, so that was right out. Toshiya was perverted enough that he could have given it to him to be funny, but Kyo wasn’t sure he was thoughtful enough to have given him the first presents. Shinya was certainly thoughtful enough, and it was anyone’s guess what kind of sexual shit he was into, honestly, but he would be surprised if this was how Shinya went about revealing that side of himself. Then there was Kaoru… Kyo pursed his lips as he considered it. Maybe? Actually, the thought of it being Kaoru kind of turned him on as he briefly imagined being utterly dominated by the lead guitarist. 

Part of him was tempted to try the toy out right now while everyone else was out celebrating Die’s birthday, but wasn’t that what had gotten him into this mess in the first place? He wrapped it back up in tissue paper and went to zip it into a pouch on his duffel bag instead. He still had no real idea who was behind it, but he was possibly more excited than ever for Christmas Eve to come so he might find out just who his Secret Santa was.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Christmas Eve draws closer, Kyo wonders just what his Secret Santa's intentions are...

Their next Secret Santa exchange was Thursday since Christmas Eve was rapidly approaching. The days passed without any real incident. Toshiya was recovered from whatever bug he’d caught and Kyo had turned his initial embarrassment at receiving a shiny Christmas-red butt plug from his Secret Santa into excitement and curiosity, letting it spur him on, eager to reach the final destination in all this. When they had a chance to stop, he did his shopping for Shinya alone, enjoying the calm of not trying to hide anything from someone.

He was still watchful when he was around the others, trying to pick up on any subtle hint that might tell him one of them could have gifted him such a thing. He didn’t totally know how to take it. Without proper context, how could he be sure whether it had just been a prank present, making fun of him for what he’d been caught enjoying in a private moment, or if it had been… A suggestion? An invitation? For the time being anyway he was trying to laugh it off and see it as a somewhat inappropriate joke.

By Thursday afternoon when Nora handed out Secret Santa gifts, Kyo was trying desperately to fight off the nervous little bundle of tension in his belly, doing his level best to appear outwardly relaxed and positive. The package he was given was hard and flat, wrapped in paper, and he was holding onto it with a grip tight enough that he heard something inside it crack. It was small enough that he didn’t see how anything else scandalous or extraordinary could fit, but he still felt every muscle in his body tighten as he wondered if this gift would continue in the same vein as the last one, or just pretend it had never happened.

Impatient as he was for anything that would lead him towards answers, he forced himself to just hold onto the present for as long as he could, part of him honestly terrified to open it, especially in front of everyone. He distracted himself watching the rest of the group a while. Toshiya got a bag of mint candies and almost started crying when he put the first one in his mouth, shaking his head frantically until Nora calmly handed him a napkin to spit it into. 

“Who would make candy flavored like toothpaste??” he said before taking a healthy swig from his water bottle, trying to rinse the flavor from his mouth.

Kuroo was nearly doubled over with silent laughter, and Toshiya glared at him.

“You knew, didn’t you?” Toshiya demanded.

Kuroo nodded, wiping a tear from his eye. “Of course, mint flavored stuff is disgusting, that’s how I knew it would be so funny to watch you try it.”

Kyo had to chuckle at that. The smile stayed on his face as he watched Nora open a present containing a cute new charm for her phone and a little vibrating back massager, which she tried out right away.

Shinya looked relieved as he pulled a new hair straightener out of his gift bag, quickly checking the specs on the outside of the package. He almost didn’t notice the Cheburashka change purse tucked in with it, but when he did his face split into a pleased grin and he spent the next several minutes absently fidgeting with the zipper on it.

Finally Kaoru peered over at Kyo and seemed to notice he was sidelining himself. “Hey, why don’t you open? You’ve been clinging to that present the whole time,” he said, loud enough that several of the other people turned their attention to Kyo as well.

_Thanks a lot, Kaoru_ , Kyo thought bitterly as he turned the gift in his hands. He had the passing thought that maybe it was all part of Kaoru’s plan to humiliate him publicly, but he couldn’t really assess that right now with everyone waiting for him to open the little package, so he just kind of nodded and tore at the paper, hoping his hands weren’t shaking too noticeably.

He’d built a lot up leading up to this moment and it was bizarre and anticlimactic as he pulled the paper away to reveal two CDs, both by artists he liked, but both albums he didn’t already own. Another thoughtful gift, but in no way strange or embarrassing. He almost just started laughing at himself over what a big deal he’d made of it. Here he’d been all paranoid and freaking out when really it was just a stupid one-off joke. He sighed out a breath of relief, moving the CD in the front to the back so he could check out the front cover of the second album.

“Oh yeah, you like them huh?” Kaoru said, noting what artists the CDs were from. He gave Kyo a smile. “Looks like your Secret Santa knows your tastes pretty well.”

Kyo smiled back. “Yeah, it does look that way.” He flipped the stack of CDs over to see the track lists and his eyes almost bugged out of his head. There, stuck to the back cover of the first CD, where it would have been invisible when the gift was first opened, was a sticky-note, written in that tidy, gently tilting handwriting that had come to haunt Kyo: _Have you tried it out yet?_

He flipped the CDs back over, quickly trying to hide the note from anyone else’s view, a panicky heat rising in him all over again.

Kaoru was still watching him and gave him a strange little look. “What’s the matter?”

Kyo shook his head, the movement rather tight and rigid. “Some tracks on this one that I, eh, wasn’t expecting.”

Suddenly Die spoke up, “Hey, is that the newest album? Can I see what’s on it?” He moved a hand out towards the discs Kyo was clutching, only to have the vocalist jerk them out of his reach.

“Get your own!” Kyo snapped, unable to think of a proper excuse for his behavior.

Die looked shocked, but then laughed. “Someone holds a grudge,” he said. “It was _one time_ that I didn’t return your CD. I still don’t know what happened to it! I told you I was sorry and I replaced it, but I guess I’ll never live it down, huh?”

Toshiya laughed too. “Kyo, you’re right to not let him see it. Maybe he’s only done it to _you_ once, but I’ve lost more DVDs that way than I’d care to count.”

“I’ve gotten a lot better about it!” Die said defensively. 

Kyo was relieved to have shifted the attention off himself and joined in as everyone laughed at Die, though inwardly his mind was racing and he could feel his heart up in his throat. 

The truth was that he had not tried out the butt plug as of yet. He’d wanted to, but the opportunity hadn’t exactly presented itself. Instead he just found himself thinking about it, usually at times when he really shouldn’t be, fantasizing about the full feeling he’d get from it when he was in public or about to be in front of fans, and should have had the sense to keep his thoughts rated PG. His Secret Santa couldn’t expect him to actually answer the question, meaning they’d only included it to throw Kyo off-balance and keep him from forgetting about what he’d been given last time.

Plus there was the implication that they _wanted_ him to _use_ it. This disrupted his theory about it being some kind of prank gift and instead suggested some kind of perverted, kinky interest in Kyo’s private sexual habits, which he couldn’t deny excited him to some extent. Someone sitting right here on the bus casually talking and exchanging Christmas presents had seen Kyo fingering his own asshole, and, instead of revealing themselves, had given him a butt plug, apparently in hopes that he would use, and find pleasure, in it. _No, yeah, that’s definitely exciting_. Kyo licked his lips a little as he quietly studied the faces of those around him, as if he might see some dirty glimmer in someone’s eye, but there was no sudden revelation.

At any rate, this line of thought had his pants feeling significantly tighter and he adjusted himself discreetly as he excused himself to put the CDs away and slip into the restroom. He leaned against the sink for a minute, a shiver going through him as he tried to calm himself down. He couldn’t help the thrill he felt, realizing he was, in a way, under this mystery person’s control. Whoever it was, they held all the cards, they engineered everything that happened next, and all he could do was be manipulated into place and wait for whatever befell him.

_Well, that’s certainly not helping to calm me down_ , he thought, looking down at the noticeable bulge in the front of his jeans. He stood there a bit longer, directing his thoughts towards what he had planned for Shinya’s final Secret Santa gift and how he would go about getting what he needed. When he finally wound down more, he took a leak, and then washed up and went back out to the front of the bus where everyone else was throwing away their scraps of wrapping paper and getting ready to go back on the road.

December 23rd brought flurries of snow and activity. There was some time set aside for the band to do touristy stuff, and a photographer was sent out along with them to capture some candid moments. Most of them also took this to mean it was probably their last chance to get anything good for their final Secret Santa exchange, and took their tourism towards an uncomfortably busy shopping center. It was almost Christmas and no matter where they went, it was beyond crowded.

Luckily, the stops Kyo needed to make were not as high up on the list of popular shopping destinations. First he hit the FedEx Office store, to get a decent quality print of a photo he had saved on his phone. He’d enlisted Toshiya’s help earlier, having him distract Shinya while Kyo "borrowed" the drummer’s iPad and used it to find the cutest picture of Shinya’s dog that he could, and then email that to himself. He was glad the shop had a self-service station for him to print a copy of the photo so he didn’t have to try explaining what he wanted in English. The line for the machines was long, but not nearly as long as the one for shipping, and he waited for everything patiently. He picked up a nice frame there too, one that didn’t seem like it would break too easily while they were traveling, and placed it all carefully into a plastic shopping bag and then into his messenger bag, hoping it would be protected from the falling snow. All the while, he did his best to ignore the camera hovering around behind him, sneaking shots as he walked all bundled up against the cold.

The only other place he wanted to go was the music store on the other side of the street from the main shopping center. He kept his head down as he crossed to it, not wanting any of his bandmates to spot him and know rather obviously where he was going. Once inside he shuffled his feet across the mat by the door, trying to shake off any snow sticking to his boots, and headed straight towards the drum accessories along one wall near a back corner. 

On his way over there he nearly bumped into a thin man wearing a beanie and sunglasses who was inspecting guitar straps, and when he turned to apologize he had to do a double take as he realized it was Die. 

“What are you doing here?” Kyo hissed, although it was fairly clear what he was doing.

Die looked somewhat embarrassed anyway, especially since the photographer was still tagging along after Kyo, and seemed thrilled to have found another member to focus on. “Just browsing, mostly.”

“Hmm,” Kyo said. He looked past Die’s shoulder to the section he’d been going towards, and spotted where the gloves were displayed. Just what he was looking for. “Ja, have fun with that.” He walked on, leaving the photographer behind with Die.

He pulled up some information he’d saved on his phone about which ones Shinya liked, and then looked at the options in front of him, torn between two that were similar but differed ever so slightly in style.

“You have Shinya for Secret Santa then, do you?” Die asked abruptly, just behind Kyo’s shoulder.

Kyo wasn’t really startled since he knew Die was around behind him somewhere, and he didn’t see the point in denying whose Santa he was this late in the game so he just shrugged. “Well, I’m clearly not shopping for you, am I?”

Die grinned a little sheepishly, coming to stand next to Kyo. “No, I am, though.” He pulled off his beanie so he could rake a hand through his hair. “I know I shouldn’t so close to Christmas, but you know how I break strings so often. I just came in to grab some, and it’s easy to get distracted in here.”

Kyo nodded, still looking at the drum gloves in front of him. “I’m trying to stay focused.” Honestly, the most distracting thing in this store was Die.

“Yeah, you’re probably better at that than I am.” He looked down at the gloves Kyo was torn between and pointed to one of them. “Those are the ones he already has. If you want more of the same, get those, if you’re trying to get him something different, I like the other ones.”

Kyo puffed out his cheeks, but stayed quiet. He hadn’t asked Die’s opinion, but he couldn’t argue with it. Why didn’t anyone ever let him pick things out himself? He grabbed the pair that was different from the ones Shinya already had and turned to head back up to the cash register without another word.

Die followed right behind him. “Hey, Kyo, I actually wanted to talk to you.” He paused, but Kyo didn’t respond so he went on, “I just wanted to thank you again, for my birthday.”

Kyo glanced at Die as he set the gloves on the counter. “You’re welcome.”

“But, I mean, thank _you_ specifically,” Die said, tilting his head a bit. “Toshiya said with Secret Santa and being on tour and everything, no one really would have remembered, but you made the whole thing happen.”

“Nah, I didn’t make the _whole_ thing happen. Shinya takes full credit for getting the cake to fit in the fridge,” Kyo said with a half-smile.

Die laughed and waited for Kyo to finish paying. He set his own selections on the counter and looked back at Kyo. “I mean it though. I hardly even remembered myself; knowing that you thought of me… means a lot. That’s all.”

Kyo almost said something snarky, but the look on Die’s face was so genuine it stopped him. “Of course. I know you’d do the same for any of us. But, it’s like Shinya said,” Kyo looked down at the little shopping bag in his hands, twisting the handles of it. “There are people who care about you, who want you to be happy. You just don’t expect it, I think.”

Die paid for his purchases and thanked the cashier before he made any reply to Kyo. Finally he started walking towards the exit, a small smile on his face. “I’m starting to realize it though.”

“That’s a step in the right direction. Next you can start returning the things you borrow from people,” Kyo teased.

“Oh come on, you’re bringing that up again?” Die said, shoving Kyo’s shoulder before he pulled his beanie back on. 

They both laughed then, and spent the rest of the afternoon walking around together, mostly window shopping because they didn’t want to wait in any of the ridiculous checkout lines. Why so many people would wait until the last minute to do this kind of Christmas shopping was beyond Kyo.

It was a pleasant enough day. Die was an incredibly easy person to be around, not sapping Kyo’s social energy really at all. He had to admit his attraction to Die was still definitely there and he’d catch himself admiring him near blatantly every so often and have to snap himself out of it, but it wasn’t uncomfortable anymore. As he’d thought before, it was hard to be uncomfortable around Die. When it was nearly dark and they were getting back onto the bus, Kyo thought how glad he was to have someone like Die in his life, even if he couldn’t have him in any of the kind of physical ways that he might like. He felt a little bad that he hadn’t gotten him anything for Christmas. _Maybe I’ll just be sure to get him a nice New Year’s present when the tour’s over_ , he mused as he went to the back of the bus to go ahead and get his gift for Shinya wrapped and ready to go. 

He came back up to the front just as the bus was getting back on the road and walked in in the middle of Toshiya’s rather engaging story of how he’d almost gotten into fisticuffs with a woman in line behind him at the department store.

Nora clucked her tongue disapprovingly and Toshiya looked indignant.

“I’m sorry, but she absolutely started it!” he said. “It’s not my fault I got the last pair of those leggings, but I had them first, and her sob story about her teenage daughter ‘acting distant’ wasn’t about to make me give them up!”

“How did you even understand a sob story like that?” Kyo asked, sitting down on the couch next to Kaoru with a cup of tea.

“Oh, you missed that part,” Kaoru said. “She was Japanese, she tried to get on his good side first by talking to him about his hometown and everything, then boom, out of nowhere with the demands.”

Kyo shook his head. “Glad I didn’t really venture too far into the main shopping center.”

“It was a madhouse,” Kaoru said. “You would not have had a good time.”

“There was a good ice cream place in there though,” Shinya said.

Kyo gave him a look. “Shinya. It is _literally_ snowing right now.”

“No wonder you’re cold all the time,” Toshiya said, shivering at just the mention of ice cream.

Not too much later, Nora went and headed to her bunk, reminding them all that they would be stopping at the hotel first tomorrow to check in and drop off luggage if they wanted before they hit the venue. She recommended that they get their rest and have their final Secret Santa gifts ready to travel in the morning. They called out affectionate thank yous and goodnights to her and she waved them off with a roll of her eyes and a smile.

“We’re so lucky to have her,” Shinya said in the quiet that followed her departure.

Everyone nodded in agreement and Kyo said, “I hope her Secret Santa is getting her something really good for the final gift.” He gave Die a pointed look.

“Um, why are you looking at him like that?” Kaoru asked.

Kyo leaned towards Kaoru, speaking quietly, “Die is Nora’s Secret Santa.”

“Oh, is he?” Kaoru said, an amused light dancing in his eyes.

Die shot them both an angry little glare. “Shh, shh, enough of that!”

Kyo smirked and finished his tea, heading off to bed soon after. Tomorrow was his last chance at a clue a to who his own Secret Santa was, and after that they might choose to never reveal themselves. His excitement and nervousness led to some fitful but entertaining dreams about some type of zombie apocalypse where Die could only speak English and Kyo couldn’t understand him anymore, which was somehow scarier than the zombie part of the dream.

 

Everyone was excited when they got to the hotel the next day, but as she handed out room keys, Nora firmly reminded them all that they were just there to check in and drop things off. There was no time for showers, naps, or other dilly-dallying. What with the holiday weekend and everything, their rooms were all sort of spread out from each other, some singles, a few people sharing rooms. No one else from their group was even on the fifth floor with Kyo, and he had the strange feeling of traveling alone as he carried his overnight bag down the hall to his single room. Once inside, he dropped the bag on the dresser and just gave a quick, longing look to the bed before turning around and going back to the elevator. He knew if he took a moment to sit down he’d struggle to get back up, and they had a full day ahead of them.

When everyone was gathered back on the bus Nora asked them if they wanted to do the final Secret Santa right now or wait until after the live tonight. They all took a moment considering it. It was bittersweet, having it finally be the last day of Secret Santa. It was kind of exhausting to keep up, and yet it would be sad to not have it to look forward to anymore. 

“I think, it’s kind of hard to get everyone back together at the same time after a show,” Shinya said after a while. “We’re all tired, some people might want to go out, others not. It’s probably best to do it beforehand.”

Nora nodded. “I think that makes sense. Do you all just want to go ahead and do it now?”

There was a moment of hesitation before people started nodding and all went off to grab their presents, politely looking away as things were brought out and placed under the tree.

Kyo felt worried that he hadn’t gotten Shinya anything good for his final gift, but he supposed it was a bit late to be thinking about that now, as he was setting the bag under the tree and sitting cross-legged on the couch. He could always make it up to him later, if need be. Then a little wrapped box was handed to him and everything else went out of his head besides the nervous giddiness that he might get another message from his mysterious (sexy?) Santa, or might get a clue as to their identity.

Everyone around him started opening, and they got really good things from their Secret Santas, lots of laughter and even a few tears coming out through the group. Kyo didn’t notice much, struggling to focus on anything besides his own little gift, wondering if this was the last time he’d see his kanji in that neat little handwriting. Finally, a flip of long red hair pulled his attention and he watched as Die swapped his sunglasses for some new ones, a broad smile on his face. Kyo had to smile too, loving to see Die look so happy, even over something so seemingly small as sunglasses.

Die caught him looking. “Kyo, you’re just sitting there again! It’s the last gift, aren’t you going to open it?” 

Kyo took a small steadying breath and started ripping the paper off the package. As he did, a little envelope fell into his lap from where it had been positioned against the box inside.

Die squinted at the box. “What is that?”

Kyo turned it over so he could see the front. “Coffee,” he said. “I like this kind.”

“That’s your final gift, a box of coffee?” Toshiya said skeptically. “Not that I’m criticizing!” He gave Kyo an apologetic look.

Kyo just shook his head. “I like simple, useful things, so I don’t mind at all. I’ll enjoy this.” He carefully picked up the envelope, expecting perhaps a giftcard or something.

What he didn’t expect was a key card for their hotel, with a sticky note attached to the front: _Room 304 - Come or Don’t. This will be the last time I ask. The choice is yours._

Kyo stared at it for an absurdly long time, the only sound he could hear his heart pounding in his ears, as if all the other sound in the world had been on a television and someone had lowered the volume to nothing. There it was in his hand, the invitation, the proposition. It couldn’t very well be misinterpreted at this point, could it? The question was more whether he’d go for it or not. The arousal already creeping through his veins at the very idea was screaming at him _Obviously, you go, this is the last time they’ll ask! You miss this chance it’s gone!_ But some rational part of his brain was trying to remind him that whoever this was, it was someone he had to work with, and he could make things _incredibly_ complicated by showing up at their hotel room. He finally slipped the key card into the pocket of his jeans and decided he had the whole rest of the day to make up his mind. 

He almost missed Shinya opening his gift, but got to see him trying in vain to cover his huge smile when he pulled out the picture of his dog. Shinya held up the frame, turning the photo towards the group. “Isn’t he too cute? Seriously cute,” he said, half to himself.

Everyone aww-ed and agreed that he was one of the cutest dogs, and Shinya stared lovingly at it a while longer before setting it down. He gave the gloves an appraising look and an approving nod and folded the empty gift bag neatly, setting it aside on the table. 

Kyo felt like his work was completed and a relieved little wave went through him as he balled up his torn wrapping paper and tried to throw it into the trash bag from where he was sitting. It missed and hit Kaoru in the leg. Kyo offered him a sheepish grin and Kaoru just shook his head, looking less than amused as he picked the trash up and threw it away properly. Kyo worried his lower lip a bit as he wondered again whether Kaoru was the one who had invited him to his hotel room tonight. He couldn’t stop himself from trying to figure out what kind of lover Kaoru would be—assuming that’s what the invitation was for. What if he embarrassed himself terribly by showing up thinking he was there for sex when really—really…? _No, the sex is definitely implied_ , he decided. And would Kaoru be as strict a lover as he was a band leader? Kyo bit down harder on his lip as he wondered whether Kaoru would be the type to punish him when he was naughty.

Kyo ducked his head, feeling the blush covering his face, some amount of shame hitting him as he admitted to himself some of his more embarrassing desires, and furthermore shame that he’d attached those desires to his bandmate, who very well might not be his Secret Santa at all. _No more fantasizing as long as you don’t know who you should be filling the space with_ , he told himself.

Nora cleared her throat to say a few words before opening her present. “I’ve had a really fun time doing this with you guys. I think it was good for everyone and that we learned some things about each other. We should do it again, maybe next year if the opportunity presents itself,” she said. “And I just hope you all know how much you mean to me, and that I’d do anything to take care of you.” She looked around fondly at them all. For her gift she’d gotten an elegant little silver bracelet with five charms, each representing a different member of Dir en grey. The little red guitar was Die, while the tiny purple one was Kaoru, and so forth. She teared up as she put it on, but then started laughing when she pulled out the second part of the gift, a homemade coupon good for One Free Massage from a band member of her choice. “Did you all know you’d been signed up for this?” 

“As if any of us would ever deny you,” Toshiya said. “You could ask for a massage from all five of us at once and we’d jump at the chance.”

“Tempting,” Nora said dubiously. “Thank you. Thank you a million times over, you’re all beautiful. Merry Christmas!”

Kyo smiled over at Die, but he wasn’t looking in his direction, and a small sadness rolled over in his stomach. He opted to ignore that for now, and helped get everything cleaned up so they could head over to the venue and start prepping for tonight’s live.

All in all, things leading up to the concert went very smoothly. There were no technical problems to speak of and everyone felt good. The closest thing to a problem was Toshiya noticing a small bleach spot on his black skirt, but it was close to the top and when he was wearing it, his shirt covered it easily. Christmas spirit seemed thick in the air today and as they were in the dressing room getting ready to go on Shinya came up beside Kyo, prodding him gently with a drumstick.

“What’s up?” Kyo asked glancing up at him as he fixed his hair in the front.

“Were you my Secret Santa?” 

“Eh?” Kyo turned towards Shinya, surprised. Pouting slightly he said, “How did you know?”

Shinya smirked. “I wasn’t totally sure. For a while I was torn, thinking it was either you or Nora.”

“Nora! How were those your options?” Kyo said.

“You were the only ones I could see putting that much thought into it. You know me better than most of the others.” Shinya shrugged. “In the end though I decided it couldn’t be Nora’s handwriting, so it had to be you.”

“I tried so hard to disguise it,” Kyo said.

“With handwriting, there’s only so much you can do,” Shinya told him. “Anyway, you were a surprisingly great Secret Santa, so thank you.”

Kyo smiled, shaking his head. “I wish I had been a lot better. And I got some suggestions from Toshiya and Die, so it wasn’t all me being thoughtful or anything.”

“Accepting help from others doesn’t make you any less strong,” Shinya said, his eyes a bit sad. Then Kaoru was calling them to huddle up and they headed out into the backstage area.

Kyo wondered about what Shinya had said about handwriting, trying to rack his brain for anything familiar about the elegant writing that had appeared on his Secret Santa gifts, but he couldn’t think of anywhere he’d seen something like it before. He let it drop out of his mind as they all entered their hands into the circle in preparation to go out on stage. Right now he was just happy to be here with his band, these wonderfully decent people with whom he was lucky enough to make art.

He went through the live in an unusually good mood, and he seemed to receive enough energy back from the crowd and the rest of the band that despite putting on his usual full heart-and-body performance, he wasn’t exhausted and defeated by the end of it. He was bouncing around the stage through the encore, making eye contact with individuals in the audience, and singing with his arm thrown over Toshiya’s shoulders just for the heck of it. There was never a sag in momentum through the whole show and by the time they threw out their final picks and sprayed water across the front rows, the whole band had huge grins plastered on their faces. 

Kyo also came to a decision during the concert: he was going to take the invitation and go to his Secret Santa’s hotel room. He was too curious to let it go, and he trusted his bandmates enough that he thought if things went south, they’d be able to back out of it pretty quickly. Besides, Kaoru, Toshiya, and Shinya were all intriguing and attractive in their own ways. Whichever of them it was, he’d be interested to see how it went, and if nothing else, maybe it would distract him from the stuff he was feeling for Die, which he had becoming increasingly concerned was more than just a passing physical attraction.

They returned to the hotel and he said goodnight to everyone else, wishing them a merry Christmas before he stepped into a free elevator and headed for his room on the fifth floor. His body was humming with excitement as he got to his room and stripped off his clothing to take a shower. His mind bounced back and forth, arguing with itself about whether it was wise to do this, and shouldn’t he just forget about it, but he’d already decided and wasn’t about to go back on it now. He washed up quickly but thoroughly and tried to keep himself from overthinking his outfit as he brushed his teeth. Coming back into the main part of the room, he just pulled out a T-shirt, jeans, and some boxers. He stood there then, his towel around his waist, hesitating. He wondered if he should add the final detail or not. After a moment, he thought that his Secret Santa had already given him so much, maybe it was time he did something they might like too, and unzipped the side pouch of his duffel bag to pull out the tissue paper-wrapped bundle there.

His heart still racing, Kyo unwrapped the butt plug and carried it to the bathroom to remove the tags and wash it with soap and water. He brought it back and sat down on the bed as he dug a bottle of lube out of his bag. He let himself fall back against the bed and untied his towel to get it out of the way as he spread his legs, his arousal starting to make itself known with the anticipation. Once the butt plug was well-lubed he positioned it at his entrance and began pushing it into his body slowly, his head tipping back and eyes closing as he relished the slight sting of being stretched around it. He got it fully seated and relaxed, letting his body get used to it before he pushed himself up off the bed and went about getting dressed, tiny shudders going through him whenever his movement brought a new angle to the toy. He was already half-hard by the time he had his clothes on. He dropped his bag back onto the dresser and hung up his towel before making sure he had his phone and both his key card and his Secret Santa’s, safely in separate pockets where he couldn’t mix them up. He slipped on some shoes and flipped off the light as he made his way out of the room.

The elevator would take too long and only drive up his nerves, so he opted to take the stairs down to the third floor, ignoring the voice in the back of his mind saying it wasn’t too late to turn back. Before he knew it he was there at Room 304. The whole hall was oddly quiet considering it was Christmas Eve and he held his breath as he pulled the correct key out of his pocket. Kyo gave himself one last chance as he looked at the card in his hands to change his mind and return to his room, but no, it was settled. He took the sticky note off the key and slipped the paper back into his pocket. His hand wasn’t even shaking as he slid the key card into the lock with a soft click.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyo doesn't find quite what he expected in Room 304...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, guys. For those of you who have been reading from the beginning, you're amazing, thank you so much for sticking with it. I hope everyone has a beautiful Christmas and generally happy holidays.

The light flashed green and Kyo removed the key card, turned the door handle, and pushed the door open with ease. He’d half expected the mysterious room holder to be standing there masked, clad in leather and waiting for him with a predatory look in their eyes—so it was almost shocking to open the door to see… nothing. The lights were on, but the room was quiet and he couldn’t see anyone at all from where he was. 

He swallowed the threatening panic and stepped inside, leaving his shoes in the front hallway. He found his voice as he let the door close behind him, calling out a quiet, “…Hello?”

A few more steps into the room brought him to where he could see the bed, and to the side of it, _Die_ , halfway through pulling a shirt on. The guitarist whipped his head around at the sound of Kyo’s voice and then, startled, took a stumbling couple steps backwards until he fell on his ass on the bed. “ _Shit_ , Kyo!” He brought a hand up to his chest, breathing hard before he shook his head. “Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me!”

“Oh, sorry,” Kyo said uncertainly. What was happening? Why was Die here? Panic was tickling its way up his back and arms again. Did he have the wrong room??Or had the whole thing been a prank after all, meant to embarrass him by sending him to someone _else’s_ room, with no viable explanation for what he was doing there? And of course, it had to be _Die_ , not just any Die, but Die with his shirt not even on. A thought struck him and he shook it off. There was no way anyone else could know he’d been having those feelings about Die. He certainly hadn’t told anyone, and he wasn’t _that_ obvious about it… right?

Die tugged his shirt fully on and then turned his attention back to Kyo. “So what’s up?” Then confusion filtered across his face. “Wait, are we supposed to be rooming together?

Kyo shook his head a bit frantically and looked down at the key card still in his hand. “No, no, I think… there must have been a mistake with… I lost my key, and I had to go to the desk and get a new one…” He started backing up towards the door, but Die stood up to follow him. “They must have given me the wrong key, for the wrong room, it’s just a mistake.”

“Kyo?” Die gave him one of those concerned looks, but thankfully didn’t comment on the fact that Kyo’s story implied he couldn’t remember his own room number. “Are you okay?”

Kyo wasn’t particularly okay, actually. He just wanted to get out of the room as quickly as possible. He’d made it back to the little front hallway and the door was only a few feet away, but it was harder to move with Die looking at him like that. He started to put the key card back in his pocket, just for something to do with his hands. “Just annoyed with the front desk now, for the mix-up.”

“You’re sure that’s all it is?” Die said dubiously. “Your shoulders look, like, crazy tense.” He started to reach a hand out towards him.

Kyo reacted without much thought, going to shove Die’s hand away from his shoulder, but the next thing he knew he had been slammed against the wall, the wind knocked out of him and his wrists pinned above his head. He couldn’t process what was happening. Die was mad at him for barging into his room? He looked wide-eyed up at Die’s suddenly unreadable face, trying not to react to how hitting the wall had pushed the butt plug deeper into him in an oh-so-satisfying way.

Die leaned down till he was only an inch from Kyo’s face, one hand still holding both Kyo’s wrists firmly in place. “Didn’t you come to see me, Kyo?” he breathed.

Kyo started to shake his head, but gasped when Die’s free hand slipped into the pocket of his jeans and dug out the sticky note from his Secret Santa. He stared in confusion as Die held the note in front of his face. He pulled a little half-heartedly against the hand holding his wrists and then looked back up at Die and those dark eyes that were staring right down to his soul. Die couldn’t be saying what he seemed like he was saying. “I… You…” Kyo shook his head helplessly. “You had Nora.”

Die grinned at that, dropping the note to the floor and putting his hand on Kyo’s hip. “I was rather amused by how you decided that, yes.”

Kyo huffed a little. But now that he thought about it, Die had never actually said he had Nora, had he? Kyo had just surmised it, apparently, incorrectly. “Then you were… everything…?” He squirmed a bit as Die ran his hand slowly up his side.

“I did warn you that I could be subtle when I wanted to,” Die said, stepping even closer, so his body was pressed against Kyo’s. “So then, now you know. Here’s your out.” He tilted his head back so he could look properly at Kyo’s face. “You’re here, and I’m clearly not who you expected. Do you want this?” He released Kyo’s wrists, though he stayed pressed close against him. “If not, go ahead and leave now. I won’t stop you.”

Kyo was still in a state of shock and even though his wrists were free, he kept them against the wall over his head. He looked at Die’s face. Did he want this? What a ridiculous question. Of course he wanted this, more than basically anything else he could think of. He’d assumed Die was off the table, but this turn of events was certainly better than any of the fantasies he’d told himself not to have about how this visit could go. By way of response, he pushed himself on his tip-toes just enough to press a chaste kiss to Die’s lips.

Die smirked as he pulled back from the kiss.

“Well,” Kyo said, leaning back against the wall and finally dropping his hands to Die’s shoulders. “You summoned me here. What were you gonna do with me?”

“I had a lot of ideas,” Die admitted. “Did you have any requests or restrictions?”

Kyo considered for a moment, biting at his lip. He looked at Die’s chest rather than his face as he spoke. “I like… how you have control over me.” He shrugged his shoulders. “My safe word is ‘mushi.’”

“Works for me,” Die said, leaning in to kiss Kyo again, much more deeply this time, sliding his tongue over his lips and already asserting his dominance as he pushed into his mouth and tasted him. His hands were on Kyo’s hips and he pushed him back against the wall, smirking once more as the action pulled a soft almost whimpering sound from Kyo. He slid one hand back to grab a handful of Kyo’s ass through his jeans as he broke the kiss and pulled at Kyo’s earlobe with his teeth.

Kyo was having a hard time keeping quiet with Die moving him in ways that shifted the butt plug inside him. As his ass was groped he let out a sharp pant and tightened his hands on Die’s shoulders, his hips jerking slightly.

“Ne, Kyo, could it be that you have a gift from me inside you right now?” Die whispered against Kyo’s ear. He squeezed his ass again, earning him another whimpering kind of moan.

Kyo couldn’t think of anything to say, could just feel Die’s breath against his ear and the burning of his cheeks and a million nerves inside him on fire with just the basest _want_. He pushed his hips towards Die.

Die apparently was doing some wanting of his own because he quickly became impatient and grabbed Kyo behind his thighs, lifting him easily and hauling him over to throw down on the bed. 

A hot surge of lust shot through Kyo at being so easily manhandled and tossed around this way and his cock throbbed in his jeans. When he was on the bed, he sat up enough to remove his t-shirt and throw it aside, then leaned back on his elbows, watching Die, waiting to be told what to do.

Die climbed onto the bed, getting on his knees between Kyo’s legs. “You put it in before you came to see me. That’s good,” he said. He slid his hands up Kyo’s thighs. “Maybe you think I should reward you?”

Kyo spread his legs a little more, making room for Die. “Only if you want to,” he whispered.

Die smiled. “Very good.” He brushed a hand over the crotch of Kyo’s jeans, feeling how hard he was already. “Show me your hard cock.”

Kyo was quick to comply, shifting to sit up so he could use his hands to get his jeans open. He pushed his jeans and boxers down out of the way enough for his cock to spring free and looked back up to Die’s face for approval.

Die’s eyes sparkled as he looked at Kyo’s dick and he licked his lips. He leaned down to press a kiss to the head of it, then gently placed Kyo’s hands on his shoulders again. “Keep your hands on me, and don’t move. Got it?”

Kyo nodded his head eagerly, trying not to squeeze Die’s shoulders too hard. Then Die’smouth was engulfing his cock and he cried out sharply. He quickly realized how hard it was to stay still at this angle with Die working his way down on his length. All his core muscles were engaged just to keep him sitting up, and everything Die was doing made him want to buck his hips up and fuck up into his hot mouth.

Die was bobbing his head up and down, pressing his tongue against the underside of Kyo’s cock, moaning around him. It was impossible to not feel the tremble of Kyo’s abdominal muscles as he struggled to stay still. Die pushed himself down again, taking almost the entirety of Kyo’s length into his mouth before he pulled himself slowly back up, dragging his teeth gently along the underside of Kyo’s cock as he went.

That proved to be a bit much for Kyo and he let out an almost surprised moan as he lost his balance and had to let go of Die’s shoulder to catch himself before he fell backwards.

Die pulled up off of him immediately and pushed a hand flat against Kyo’s chest, somewhat roughly. “I thought I gave you clear instructions,” he said.

Kyo’s back hit the bed and he looked up at Die somewhat fearfully, but in no way any less aroused. “You did,” he said quietly.

“You won’t get what you want if you can’t even follow simple directions.”

Kyo nodded. “I understand. I’m sorry.”

Die sat up on his knees, still looking down at Kyo while he took his own cock out of his pants and started stroking it slowly.

Kyo watched him, his hips pushing up slightly, even as he fought to keep still and behave.

“You want me inside you, don’t you?” Die asked. He paused in his stroking to swipe his thumb over the head of his dick, gathering the pre-cum already there and smearing it around. “You have that toy in you stretching you so nicely, getting you ready for my cock. Don’t you want me to fill you?”

Kyo made an involuntary little whiny noise and was at once embarrassed to realize it had come out of him. He nodded quickly. “I do, I want your cock in me, please.”

“Then you’d better do a better job following directions, hadn’t you?” Die said. He crawled forward then, straddling Kyo’s chest. He pulled a pillow down to slide under Kyo’s head to give him a better angle and looked down at him with hooded eyes.

“Yes, sir,” Kyo said. Part of him wanted to just take Die’s cock into his mouth right then and start sucking him off until he came down his throat, but he had to wait for Die to tell him. He didn’t want to get into any more trouble—at least not before he’d even had the chance to do something right.

Die pressed his cock against Kyo’s lips. “Open up.”

Kyo did as he was told, simply parting his lips and waiting, his eyes on Die’s face.

Die slid into Kyo’s mouth, letting out a moan as he did. “Ohh, yeah.” He started slowly moving his cock in and out, watching it disappear again and again between Kyo’s perfect lips, and he braced a hand against the headboard of the bed. “Yeah, suck my cock.”

Kyo’s still-achingly-hard length twitched as Die started fucking his mouth. Something about the humiliating aspect of it, feeling so used, turned him on like nothing else. He sucked Die’s cock, swirled his tongue around the head, leaned forward to take more of him as much as he could, but for the most part, he let Die control the movement, totally content to let him fuck his mouth as long as he wanted.

“What a good slut. You take my cock so well, don’t you?”

Kyo moaned around Die’s length, another ripple of heat going through him as he was called a slut. His muscles tightened a little around the butt plug still inside him and he closed his eyes.

Die’s thrusts were a bit faster now, his breath coming in soft pants. “I could just cum down your throat right now, I bet you’d like that,” he said. He brought his free hand over to tangle in Kyo’s hair, pulling somewhat harshly. He pulled out of his mouth, smirking as Kyo tried to follow him only to be held in place by the hand in his hair. “Beg me for it.”

“Die,” Kyo whined again, squirming. He hesitated, nervous for a second to actually beg, but it being Die made him feel safe. “Please, use me however you want. I want your spunk down my throat, but I’m yours to use as you see fit. Cum on my face or in my ass or anywhere you like; I’ll just want more. Please, Die, I’m so desperate.”

The debauchery of Kyo’s words seemed to surprise Die and he just stared at him for a moment, his dick throbbing. Then he let out a growl and climbed off Kyo, roughly flipping the smaller man onto his stomach.

Kyo yelped slightly, and wondered if he’d said the wrong thing as he leaned up on his elbows and looked over his shoulder to see Die getting up off the bed. 

Die stripped fully out of his clothing and went to his bag to get a small tube of lubricant which he brought back and tossed on the bed. He grabbed Kyo’s jeans and yanked them down his legs and off, his boxers following. 

Kyo wiggled his ass a little, unable to resist with it so exposed. Then he let out a choked sort of moan, dropping his face onto the pillow in front of him as he felt Die just tap the base of the butt plug, sending little electric sensations through him in a split second.

Die brought his hand down hard on Kyo’s backside. “Up,” he commanded shortly. 

Kyo gasped and brought his legs up under himself, pushing his ass up towards Die. He bit his lip and buried his face more in the pillow as Die carefully removed the butt plug, leaving him feeling strangely empty. He was distracted from that quickly enough as Die spanked him again and he could feel pre-cum dripping from his cock heavy between his legs. “Die!”

Die raised an eyebrow as he raised his hand again. “Yes?”

Kyo bit his lip again, unsure if saying what he was thinking would get him in more trouble. Then again, he wasn’t sure he minded getting in more trouble. Apparently he was taking too long to answer as Die’s hand came down hard on his ass again, and then again. Kyo only grew more aroused as Die delivered whack after whack, spreading the pain around the whole area and then focusing it on one spot, causing Kyo to shift forward slightly on the bed with the force of each blow.

After a long while, Die let up, just rubbing his hand lightly over Kyo’s reddened flesh. “You know why I was spanking you?”

Kyo turned his face so it wouldn’t be muffled by the pillow. “I didn’t beg right?”

Die chuckled a little and placed a soft kiss on Kyo’s shoulder blade. “You begged beautifully, actually. I just wanted to.”

Kyo looked over his shoulder at him curiously.

“You said you’re mine to use however I want, and I thought that’s what I wanted to do. You have… the best ass.” Die ran his hand over the curve of it again. “You still want my cock, don’t you?”

Kyo pushed back against Die’s hand. “Please?”

“Mm, I do love the begging,” Die said. He gave Kyo’s rear end one more swat and then pushed his hip to get him to roll onto his back again. 

Kyo really felt like he might lose it at any moment, the rough treatment he was getting bringing him dangerously close to the edge. It was obvious too, just looking at how his cock strained away from his body, the tip leaking pre-cum steadily, his balls drawn up tight. 

Die smiled seeing him like that. “You need to cum?” He ghosted his fingertips over Kyo’s sac.

“Ahh—Not unless—nng—you want me to,” Kyo said, clenching his fists in the comforter. 

“Do you think you’ll lose it if I start fucking you?”

Kyo pressed his lips together and nodded a bit guiltily.

“I like the sound of that,” Die said. He leaned down to start kissing along Kyo’s abdomen and up his chest, taking his time with it. One hand caressed little patterns over Kyo’s hip bone, his touch impossibly soft. Everything about the moment was perfectly gentle and sweet, a total contrast from the roughness he’d been using earlier.

Kyo relaxed, letting himself float some as Die kissed up over his pecs, across his collarbone, and along his neck. He couldn’t think of the last time someone had taken their time with him this way. It made him feel surprisingly appreciated, maybe even… loved? He let out a soft sound as Die sucked lightly at a spot on his neck. 

Finally, Die leaned to kiss Kyo’s lips with a tender intensity, letting it linger while Kyo’s hands ran over his arms and shoulders, neither pulling nor pushing, just touching and feeling. 

Pulling back, he kissed his way over to Kyo’s ear, whispering, “Did you mean what you said? You want me to cum in your ass?”

Kyo’s breath hitched at the words; they seemed so dirty after the lingering sweetness of the kisses a moment before. “Yes,” he breathed, too desperate to even be embarrassed like he might have usually.

Die sat up and grabbed the lube, squirting some over his cock as he got settled between Kyo’s legs. He pushed Kyo’s thighs further apart and lined himself up at his entrance, looking from Kyo’s dick up to his face. “You can cum whenever you need to, as long as you’re loud about it. I want to hear you scream, and I want to hear you say my name.” He waited for Kyo to nod his understanding before he pushed into him. Once inside, he didn’t hesitate long before he started thrusting, and he was quickly rewarded with some loud moans from the vocalist under him.

“Oh god, Die,” Kyo panted, tightening his grip on Die’s biceps. He could already tell he wouldn’t last long. He pulled his knees up, wrapping his skinny legs around Die’s hips and pushing up to meet his thrusts.

“Fuck, Kyo, you feel so good.” There was nothing gentle about Die’s movements now, the headboard repeatedly hitting the wall as he rammed into Kyo hard and fast. He paused to sit back on his heels and then pulled Kyo towards himself before picking up his pace again.

The new angle had Die hitting Kyo’s prostate more often than not, and he soon started screaming just like Die wanted. “Die! I can’t—Ahh!” He let go of Die’s shoulders, covering his face with both arms, as he felt his control slipping. 

Die slowed down for a minute, just circling and rolling his hips, leaning down so Kyo’s straining dick was brushing against his stomach. Then he started pulling back and slamming into him hard, careful to keep the angle to hit Kyo’s prostate, slowly at first, but gathering speed quickly.

Kyo was lost in the overwhelming sensations. He started up a quiet chant of, “Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck,” which grew steadily louder until he was screaming again. “FUCK, DIE, YES!!” His back arched up off the bed as he flew over the edge. “ _Die! Daisuke!!_ ” Spurts of his cum covered Die’s stomach and his own, and Die finally slowed down as he felt Kyo clenching around his cock.

As soon as Kyo had finished, Die pulled out, pushing him over onto his knees again.

Kyo grumbled a little at being moved, “You keep flipping me over, I feel like a pancake.”

Die smirked and gave his ass a slap. “Shut up, pancakes don’t have asses like yours. Maybe an omelette.” 

Kyo grinned and then buried his face against the pillow once more as Die thrust into him, harder and faster than before, just pounding his ass for all he was worth. It felt so good, Kyo realized he was still hard and spread his legs wider, so he could start rutting against the bed.

“Talk to me, Kyo,” Die said. “You like me fucking you like this, just using your tight asshole to get off?”

Die’s lewd words sent sparks through Kyo and he moaned. “God, yes, Die, I love how you feel, using me like the slut I am. Feels so good I might need to cum again, but not till I feel you filling me up with your jizz.”

“Fuck, Kyo,” Die whispered. He looked down, watching his cock moving in and out of Kyo’s ass, and before long he lost his rhythm and groaned lowly as he came, filling Kyo’s passage with his offering.

Kyo whimpered as Die pulled out of him. He rutted against the bed a little more, clutching at the pillows and making small needy noises.

Die was amused at how desperate Kyo was all over again and he sat down, pulling him back to sit between his legs, so Kyo’s back was against his chest. “For wanting me to be in control, you sure seem to want to do a lot of things your way, you know,” he said in Kyo’s ear before moving to kiss his shoulder. 

Kyo moaned softly, glad to have Die to lean against, as he thought his body probably wouldn’t support itself that well right now. “You might be right about that. But you’re really fucking hot when you’re in control.” 

“Yeah? Then do what I say this time and keep your hands on me.” Die took Kyo’s hands in his own and placed them firmly on his own thighs. Then he slid his hand down Kyo’s chest, over his still-sticky stomach, and then wrapped his fingers around his arousal, jerking him off quickly.

Kyo dug his nails into Die’s thighs, pushing his hips up as he approached his peak rather rapidly. His head fell back against Die’s shoulder, his mind still a bit foggy from his first orgasm. “God, Die, you… you feel so right. Fuck, why does this feel so _right_?” he said softly.

Die pressed more kisses across Kyo’s shoulder to his neck. “I was thinking the same thing earlier,” he murmured. He squeezed Kyo’s cock a few times before going back to stroking. Suddenly, Kyo let go of Die’s leg with one hand, and Die was about to scold him, when he realized he was flailing around, feeling for Die’s free hand. When he found it he just brought it up to his throat and let go, not saying anything. Die blinked in confusion for all of a few seconds before he got what Kyo wanted and tightened his hand around Kyo’s throat, applying a sort of false pressure, nothing that would really hurt him, but enough that it would cut off some of Kyo’s air.

Kyo was grateful that Die seemed to understand his needs without him having to speak everything aloud. He kept his hands back on Die’s thighs and tilted his head further back as he struggled more and more to breathe. Just as he was feeling lightheaded, his orgasm hit him hard and he shuddered against Die, even more cum erupting from his cock than had the first time.

Die let go of Kyo’s throat, moving to caress his chest instead as he stroked him slowly while he came down, supporting him as he sagged even more against his chest. He kissed the side of Kyo’s neck and let him sit that way a few more minutes before gently pushing him to lie down on the bed, more under the covers.

“Tha’ was good,” Kyo mumbled. 

Die pulled him close against his body and smiled. “Glad you think so.”

They lay like that, comfortably for a while, and Die thought Kyo had drifted off to sleep when he suddenly spoke again. “But the candles. I _saw_ you looking at those same exact candles!”

It took a moment for Die to realize Kyo was talking about Secret Santa again. “I know. I bought them for Kaoru, since he wasn’t going to have time to go shopping. In return he bought me a sandwich.”

“Kaoru was Nora’s Secret Santa all along?” Kyo said, looking up at Die.

“I’m afraid so.”

“Well, thanks for letting me make myself look like an idiot,” Kyo snorted, nuzzling against Die’s chest.

“Sure thing, anytime,” Die said with a smile.

“Did you know?” Kyo asked after another pause.

“Know what?”

Kyo pursed his lips, unsure how to phrase what was bouncing abstractly in his mind. “I… My feelings. I have feelings. For you. I noticed only just recently.” He felt how badly he was blushing and pressed himself closer to Die so he wouldn’t be able to see his face.

“I didn’t know,” Die answered. “Just got lucky I guess. I knew how I felt about you. And I knew… Well, after my birthday. I felt like… there was a connection.”

Kyo nodded. “I felt that, too. I feel easier around you. With a lot of people, everything just seems like so much work, but I never feel like that with you. The hardest thing about being around you was just trying to keep my feelings reigned in when you weren’t supposed to know about them.”

“I struggled with that too,” Die said. “I told you before, I can get pretty easily distracted. You are nothing if not distracting.”

Kyo hid his smile against Die’s chest. “Can we stay like this?”

“All night, if you want,” Die said, kissing Kyo’s hair.

“And after?”

“We have a tour to finish.”

“So this… finishes too?” Kyo’s voice was small and just barely unsteady.

Die wrapped his arm more tightly around Kyo’s shoulders. “Not at all what I said. Do you believe in Christmas miracles?”

“Honestly? Not really,” Kyo said.

There was another long silence before Die said, “Be with me.”

Kyo pulled back, lifting his head to finally look at Die’s face. He nodded and leaned to press his lips to Die's. “Always.”


End file.
